It is unfair to expect a woman to be a great mother, daughter, sister, wife, niece, aunt, a successful professional who can still cook two meals a day
ANJANA RAJBHANDARY
We are all used to hearing that a woman’s life is incomplete without giving birth to new life. Women today, all over the world and even in Nepal now, are more likely to delay marriage than those a generation ago, a practice that pushes back time to have babies while women continue to focus on their career.
More and more women are choosing not to have children.
The US Census Bureau stats say that more women are opting not to have children, and ‘childlessness’ continues to grow in the U.S.
Pooja, 28, is a strong, independent professional who does not think choosing to be childless is a major issue. “I value my freedom and without a baby, I can take more risks in life without worrying. I can go anywhere, anytime I want, and that is important to me,” she says.
Many people call this growing ‘trend’ selfish, shallow and self-absorbed because it is a beautiful thing to create life. I am not against women having children at all, but raising a child well is probably the most difficult task any woman can undertake. It is a commitment.
Katha is a 33-year-old lawyer who loves her nieces and says: “I love children but I have never had the maternal instinct. I have a lot more to achieve in life and I cannot do that if I have children now.”
It is unfair to expect women to be all-rounders in life by being a great daughter, wife, mother or sister with a successful career, who raises children and is able to cook two meals a day while keeping the house in order. I admire women who are able to do it all, but most of us are not capable of such superpowers.
There are also cases in which having a baby is not possible because of health or financial reasons. The booming business of fertility clinics and/or surrogacy does help fulfill dreams for some people to have children, but it is expensive and many can’t afford it. Plus, raising a child is expensive. Many are just not ready to take care of someone else, and think they could do a lot more with the money needed to send a child to a decent school for one academic year.
A parent needs to be selfless and prioritise the child over everything else, and it is unfair to have a child for the sake of it when one is not ready. I have no desire to have a child in the near future. But ask me again in six months, who knows.
Sara had a different reason for having a baby. “My relationship with my husband was not going well so I thought having a child would make it better. It did not. I feel guilty for that decision but I love my baby more than anything in the world. I wish it was under different circumstances.”
It is clear that two people need to love each other before they decide to bring another life into this world. My best friend Shailu is the most amazing woman I have ever met and an excellent mother to Sammy, 2, and Abby, 1.
“You never know it is possible to love someone else so much till you become a mother,” Shailu says, and she also has a very loving and supportive husband Jeff. These two girls are lucky to have parents that love them and love each other, and that is the ideal environment in which to bring a new life.
Women choose not to have a baby for various reasons. We need to respect their choices and keep our opinions and views to ourselves.
@AnjyRajy