In today’s weekly Asinine column yours truly will be making some very important, timely and relevant points, if I may say so myself. So it is advisable that all readers stay tuned and give me your undivided attention. Thank you.
It pains us to say this but it has come to our notice that some readers don’t read. Many of you have been observed skipping entire paragraphs while perusing these lines. Others have even been seen surreptitiously swiping their mobile phones under the table while pretending to read the back page. And some of you have actually dozed off while reading this stuff. HEY, WAKE UP!
What does it take to get some respect around here? Don’t you know it is impolite to fall asleep while I am trying to communicate with you? We take a great deal of effort to fill these pages with content rehashed from 18 years ago, and we don’t want people dropping down unconscious all over the place.
At a time when the country is steaming ahead to a stable and prosperous future after elections, it is mandatory for all citizens to be alert and to exercise their freedom to read what the Ass has to say even if, like today, he may have nothing major to impart. So, the least you can do is show us some courtesy and pretend to read this make-believe column and pretend to like it. Let’s do a word count here, 240. Drat. Another 200 to go.
As the Chieftain Justice aptly pointed out the other day, and I quote: “There is complete freedom of expression in this country, there just isn’t any freedom after expression. All journalists should be objective, that is to say they should have the same objective as us.”
He went on: “In other words, it all boils down to how we internalise the totality of the changing juridical paradigm. Are we just paying lip-service here to end-degree refinement or are we empowering constituencies and enabling communities in the long-term? And we may well ask: how are we going to institutionalise the money-spinning aspects of the courts if that doctor keeps refusing to eat? We have to rise above partisan and personal bias to toe the party line with a holistic bottoms-up approach in order to make our ends meet while the going is good. The overall aim should be to galvanise all sectors of society so that the present policy-polity dichotomy can be overcome sooner rather than later.”