30 May - 5 June 2014 #709

May Day! May Day!

Ass
It is an indication of the deep roots that democracy has struck in the soil of the Federal Tantric Republic of Nepal that we have not one, not two, but three holidays in a year to commemorate Praja Tantra Diwas (when we threw off the yoke of the Rana dynasty), Lok Tantra Diwas (when we threw off the yoke of the Shah dynasty), and Gun Tantra Diwas (when we threw yolk on the institution of monarchy).

One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs, as we all know. So it is fitting that we were rudely woken up at 5AM on Thursday to the sound of heavy artillery from somewhere over the western front. It was to remind us that we became a republic in 2008 through the barrel of a gun. Like other days commemorating demoracy this one too was a day of wild rejoicing and merry-making. Mainly because we didn’t have to go to work, and could stay home updating our Facebook timelines.

If Nepal doesn’t yet have an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records for the highest number of holidays per capita in a year, what I want to know is why not? It is high time the international community recognised that fact and honoured this magnificient achievement. We should not rest on our laurels, though, this is no time for complacency. We must gird up our loins and other body parts to doubly redouble our efforts to declare even more days off in a year so that we can beat São Tomé and Príncipe which (according to Ncell’s free Wikipedia) is slightly ahead of us in having the most number of holidays in a year.

All it takes is for the High Level Politically Correct Mechanism to get its flunkies in parliament to have even more days marked red in the calendar to commemorate the revolutionary milestones of this great nation of ours. At a time when national morale is sagging, when we have started to take our democracy for granted, when the euphoria of freedom is eroding, when the Nepali people have become cynical about federalism, and want to abandon the holy principles of the secularism that we all hold sacred, having more holidays would lift our spirits at the chance to have yet another day in which we can flake off.

Here are some suggestions of days that we have not yet declared work-free, and which the gobblement should immediately add to the list of new holidays in the forthcoming budget:

Federalism Day

Secularism Day

Inclusiveness Day

Constitution Day (To Be Announced)

Multi-party Day

Victory Over East India Company Day

Sovereignty and Territorial Integrity Day

Buddha Was Born in Nepal Day

Losar #1

Losar #2

Losar #3

Losar #4

Losar #5

Losar #6

Losar #7

Women’s Day

Man Days

LGBT Day

Children’s Day

Adolescent Days

Kot and Other Massacres Day

Prithvi Narayan Coronation Day

National Unification Day

Prachanda Happy Birthday

National Disintegration Day

Vladimir Ilyich Day

Mao Zedong Day

Uncle Joe Stalin Day

Shiva’s Night Out

All-Nepal Diesel Theft Heyday

12-Hour Load-Shedding Per Day

Graft and Corruption Every Day

Pollution Will Kill You One Day

No Water Night or Day

Jaundice Day

Diarrhoea Day

Cholera Day

Full Moon Day

Half Moon Day

No Moon Day

Partial Lunatic Eclipse Day

Cow Day

Crow Day (Only for Crows)

Dog Day

Horsing Around Day (Only Kathmandu)

Mule Day (Only Mustang)

International Day of Donkeys

Pay Day (Once in 6 Months for Journalists)

Mid-Hill Holi Day

Tarai Holi Day

Inner-Tarai Holi Day

Doris Day

May Day! May Day!

And that would bring the grand total of holidays in Nepal to an impressive 255 days in a year. This will mean we will finally overtake São Tomé and Príncipe to finally stake our claim in the Guiness Book. And then, we can all tweet that in Ncell’s free Twitter.

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