Just like traffic rules, Nepal’s election code of conduct is just a suggestion. It would be fantastic if you followed it, but if you don’t that’s all right too. For instance the Erection Commissars have a rule about the use of helicopters and have decreed choppers out of bounds in 45 districts. But candidates are whizzing about, with Chairman Awesome even making a 10 minute air-hop from Kathmandu to Kavre the other day. The reason is that everywhere the Cash leaders go to deliver campaign speeches, the Dash is sure to be declaring impromptu bunds. The modus operandi is to chop down trees and block roads just like in the war days and at this rate we are going to lose all our forests. Just in order to save Nepal’s remaining jungles in the next three weeks, the EC should relax its rule on helicopter use.
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The helicopter rule, however, doesn’t seem to apply to members of the Interim Erection Council and we saw KRR over the holidays treating the Army’s chopper as his own. The Home Minister seems to think his job description is to fly home to Palpa every chance he gets, especially since he wasn’t allowed to fly to NYC. Seeing the others do it, acting CJ Damodar decided to also ‘request’ the Army’s Ecuriel for a pilgrimage to Muktinath over Dasain. He had a night stop at the Army’s mountaineering training base in Jomsom and the next morning Justice Damodar also took a flyby of the holy lake that bears his name: Damodar Kunda in Mustang. The Army was only too happy to oblige and sent the government a bill for half a million roops, which taxpayers like you and me will ultimately foot.
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The comrades have blood on their hands, but top corruption watchdog Loktantrick Man Sing had blood all over his feet when he choppered out to Manakamana Temple over the festival. The photograph of a police officer washing The Man’s feet went viral on social media ridiculing this royalist-turned-commie-turned-godman. Perhaps to escape further scrutiny, the Tantrick has suddenly upped and gone off to China on an extended two-week visit where he is expected to have tete-e-tetes with top CPC leaders who haven’t yet deigned to meet Nepali disciples of Mr Zedong. As an acolyte of Autopilot Baba of the South, LMSK’s enigmatic trip to the North is raising eyebrows. And as Chinese contractors like CAMC and SinoHydro come under the CIAA scanner, is this an effort to persuade The Man not to stand in the way?
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Other junkets in the past week include the one organised by the Unification Church through its local representative, the Family Party, which took Nepal’s top editors and publishers (including Sishi Gamala but excluding the Ass) to Thailand on an all-expenses-paid holiday. Regular Ass readers will remember how the Familiar Party paid its guy to be made minister in the last BRB gubberment with a Moonie Minister in GoN. We now have two kinds of loonies in Nepal: Moonie disciples from the south and the Juchhe disciples from the north of the peninsula.
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Nepal’s present and former rulers are a bit crestfallen to hear that they haven’t made it to the list of 35 friendly governments that the American National Security Agency spied on since 2002, intercepting emails and tapping mobile phones. Does the CIA not think our leaders are important enough for them? The Donkey has been told by unusually reliable sources at Langley that the Americans did try to tap into the mobile phones of Brave Lion, Makunay, and even Awesome over the years, but they kept getting this recorded message: “Sorry, the network is busy. Please try again later.” So the NSA just gave up trying.
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The story of the week was PKD threatening at a campaign stop to go to the gallows if found guilty of war crimes. He must have expected everyone to say, “No, we won’t let you,” but the crowd cheered. Awesome didn’t look too pleased. He is also not so pleased about the thin crowds at the campaign stops that he does make it to by chopper. On Tuesday, he had to cancel a speech at his old constituency in Kirtipur because locals were stocking up with missiles to throw at his cavalcade. PKD must also be demoralised by the news that Bina Magar’s ex has decided to be the campaign manager for Padam Kunwar, the guy who slapped him in the face last year and is now standing as an independent from Kirtipur against him.
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Quote of the Week from BRB: “Unless we get a two-thirds majority in the election, we will not allow the constitution to be written.”