Nepali Times

Here we are at the end of another eventful week in the Confederated Demographic Republic of Nepal, and it is time for our Friday recap of the main points.

On Monday came the earth-shaking newsflash, broken as usual by the state-run The Rising Nipple, that the Landlocked Himalayan Republic of Nepal had finally established diplomatic relations with the Volcanic Archipelago of Cape Verde. It is a triumph of Nepal’s mis-aligned foreign policy that the country has managed to forge close bilateral relations with a country that has such profound geo-political significance to our continued existence as an independent and sovereign nation state, all while India and China fight over Bhutan, the BIMSTEAK party is on, and there will be fire and fury like the world has never seen before.

This development comes hard on the heels of Nepal establishing diplomatic relations with Djibouti on International Friendship Day, as well as the pomp and pageantry with which Nepal marked the joyous occasion of the birthday of His Majesty King Hassan of Morocco in Kathmandu last week. This unusual flurry of diplomatic activity serves one important purpose: it gives all of us an important geography lesson so that every Nepali of school-going age henceforth can point to where Cape Verde, Djibouti and Morocco are located on the world atlas.

At a time when democracy is on the retreat across the free world, it is up to Nepal to set the standard for open society and freedom. The way we have conducted local elections should be a lesson for all, political parties in other countries can learn from the mayoral race in Bharatpur where the losing side snatched victory from the jaws of defeat after tearing up a few ballot papers. It would be wrong to call this cheating, as some pundits have, better: ‘creative vote-counting’. This way no party can ever be beaten in elections since all losers can be winners if they play their cards right.

The other important example Nepal can offer is in how to split and unite parties. No other country chops parties up into little pieces as ingeniously as we do. So, when the RPP split this week, the splinter group called itself the Nationalist Democratic Party (Democratic), the rump stuck with Nationalist Democratic Party (Nationalist) and if it splits again it will name itself the Nationalist Democratic Party (Party).

By Thursday, just when we thought we had all the excitement we could handle for one week, came news that due to global warming the evaporation rate for petroleum products had risen so sharply that tankers had gone on strike to demand compensation from Nepal Oil Corruption (NOC). Tanker owners, whose breath reeks of petrol from siphoning the stuff out along the highway between Amlekhganj to Kathmandu, have shut down gas stations to protect their right to cheat customers.

Just another week in the Fedup Demagogic Republic.