20-26 October 2017 #880

Not Really Needed

As an Ass permanently domiciled in Nepal, this animule was invited to the recent Non-Resident Nepali bash in which its newly-elected Politburo members swore in pithy expletives as they took their oaths of office.

With its new dynamic leadership, non-residual Nepalis can at last make progress on some of their long-standing list of 35 demands. They issued an ultimatum to the government that they will keep visiting Kathmandu as frequently as possible until their demands are met – and that was meant as a threat. One main demand is to change Nepal’s official name to the People’s Federal Democratic National Republic of Nepal (PFDNRN) so that the new acronym contains the letters ‘NRN’.

They also want dual citizenship so that non-Nepali Nepalis don’t have to pay expat fares for flights during their annual holidays in Jomsom. The other demand is the right to own property to indulge in a little real estate hankypanky on the side. To grant this wish, the Permanent Three Party High-Level Political Mechanism has been offered its cut roughly in proportion to the strength of each of the parties in the new Parliament.  

The Ass’ rough guesstimate is that 30% of government delegations to international conferences never come back. Nepal’s martial arts teams often remain in Japan and Korea after tournaments. At this rate, there will only be two types of Nepalis left:

Non-resident Nepalis who want to permanently reside in Nepal. 

And, Nepalis who want to permanently reside in a non-Nepali country.

After watching this week’s elections to the Not Really Needed (NRN) Central Committee during which there were no fist-fights and no allegations of voter fraud, it is clear that we would do much better if we let overseas Nepalis run Nepal on a Build Own Operate Transfer (BOOT) scheme for 25 years. (Which means we can boot them out after 25 years.) The World Headquarters of NRN, Inc would then be located in Kathmandu itself and Nepal could be subcontracted to Nepalis of alien descent. 

The idea is to leapfrog the current generation of Nepali leaders who have messed things up, turn this country around in the forthcoming two decades and hand it back to the next generation of Nepalis in an as-where-is condition. Fine print: Conditions apply, Overseas relatives of current rulers not eligible, Ill-gotten wealth welcome. 

The Nepal Gobblement has also decided to allow non-resistant Nepalis to invest in Nepal, except in sensitive sectors like Defence, Aerospace and Breweries. Other strategic industries out-of-bounds for NRN investment are instant noodles, medical colleges, cabin restaurants, crusher companies, extortion rackets, and Ponzi Schemes. These sectors are reserved for local crooks. Alienated Nepalis have already set up the following FDIs in their beloved motherland:

White Elephant Study

Abroad Consultancy

4-Horse Power

Manpower Agency 

Fly By Night Airlines,

Pvt. Ltd. 

Monkey Business Rhesus Export-Import, Inc.

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