27 Jan - 2 Feb 2017 #843

Nepalis of the non-resident persuasion

So it looks like The Federer Democratic Republic of Nipple (damn autocorrect) is finally giving in to the 125-point demand of Non-resident Nepalis, and allowing them to have dual citizenship. 

Good move. One wonders, though, that if a Nepali passport was such a sought after item, why did they leave Nepal in the first place? 

In the last fiscal year, two members of a government delegation vanished without trace in Brussels, and a dance troupe decided to stay on in Trumpistan. Put these two items of news together, we have to conclude that if present trends continue, in the not too distant future, there will be only two kinds of Nepalis left: 

a. Non-resident Nepalis who want to permanently reside in Nepal, and 

b. Nepalis who want to permanently reside in a non-Nepali country.

Since resident Nepalis have messed up the country big time, how about subcontracting the control of the government to non-resident Nepalis? The idea is to leapfrog the current generation of Nepali leaders and hand it to the next generation of Nepalis in an as-where-is condition. Fine print: conditions apply, overseas relatives of current rulers and ex-CIAA chiefs currently in Mauritius not eligible. 

But till then, GONE has shown that it is deadly serious about providing incentives to NRNs who want to invest in their ancestral domain. After all, there is an ancient Vedic saying: “NRN is God”. (We checked with God, and he has no objections to the slogan.) As a first step, the Department of Irritation has decided to open a special fast-track NRN immigration desk at TIA so foreign Nepali investors don’t have to queue up like ordinary Nepalis just returning from four years of hard labour in the Gulf. 

“This is a major concession, we haven’t extended this courtesy to anyone else, not even to resident Nepali ex-prime ministers,” said one official. 

However, in the national interest, a word of caution here. There are certain sensitive sectors like Defence, Aerospace and Breweries in which His Majesty’s Government cannot have foreigners (even if they are of Nepali origin) investing. Other strategic sectors that we want to keep away from NRN hands are instant noodles, brick kilns, cabin restaurants, packaging clinker and calling it cement and gold smuggling. These are areas in which resident Nepalis are already involved and they should be protected from competition.  But certain exceptions can be made, and the government is now set to approve NRN applications to set up the following industries: 

  • White Elephant Polytechnic for Smuggling Wildlife Contraband 
  • ‘Putting Nepal’s strategic location in trans-Himalaya trade to good use’  

  • Fly By Night Airlines, Pvt. Ltd., 

  • ‘Fly Nepal’s First Night Vision-Equipped Domestic Airline’

  • Poodle Noodle 

  • ‘Most-Nutritious Junk Food preferred by NRN kids’ 

  • Monkey Business Export-Import, Inc

  • ‘F-1B visas for all rhesus monkeys and their spouses at research station in Texas’
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