Now, look at what the gobarment has gone and done. It has declared that Nepal will graduate from
Least Developed Country (LDC) to become a member of middle-income Developing Country by 2022. Are they daft?
Look at all the advantages we have by virtue of the fact that we are poor, and intend to remain so. We get access to soft credit, and if we plead and grovel enough they can easily be converted into grants. As one of the poorest countries in Asia, we get called upon to represent this vast continent of ours at international conferences from time to time in exotic places like Istanbul, Accra or Port au Prince. We are a priority country for many multilaterals, which means we get special treatment because of their focus on eradicating extreme poverty. And since we are the most-photogenic least-developed country in the world, we are a darling of the donors.
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But, alas, we are in danger of losing this super-state status, and all those special facilities if we become a
Not-the-Least Developed Country in eight years time. Unless we think of something fast to keep ourselves poor, we are goners. But since we have a prime minister who seems to be half-asleep half the time, there is a fairly good chance that we will remain Last-but-not-least Developed till 2022 and beyond. However, we cannot rely just on Jhusil Da to keep Nepal in the LDC category, what if he wakes up? The guy has an erratic streak and he may just go and do something foolish like dramatically streamline FDI, create new jobs, invest in infrastructure, even write a new constitution and successfully turn Nepal into a middle-income country ahead of target. God forbid.
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The other national achievement we have to safeguard is of Nepal’s coveted position as a zero carbon country, a status we reached way ahead of any other Utterly Underdeveloped Country. In fact, while other countries are increasing their consumption of fossil fuels, ours is decreasing sharply because the Ministry of Commerce and Surprise doesn’t allow NOC to import any more diesel from India because it (the gobblement) has run out of INR. Which means that Nepal is in the enviable position of being the only country in the world that has achieved strict emission cut targets set out in the Kyoto Protocol. Other countries turn off their lights one hour in a YEAR on March 29, we don’t use electricity 12 hours a DAY.
As responsible global citizens there are lots of other things we can do individually and collectively to stop the earth from heating up. So, in the public interest, we hereby list 10 ways we can all help lessen the impact of climate change:
1. Immediately set a time limit on speeches in the coming fiscal year to less than five minutes so that there is a check on the emission of hot air.
2. Stop breathing. Every breath you take consumes precious atmospheric oxygen and gives off harmful carbon dioxide. Remember every molecule counts!
3. Organise tantric rituals and make animal sacrifices at select shrines across the subcontinent to appease the gods to save us from global warming.
4. Cut flatulence in cattle and livestock. There are an estimated 22 million cows and 17 million goats in Nepal and if all of them felt free to pass wind without let or hindrance imagine the kind of accumulation of greenhouse gases we’d be left with. We’re not even counting yaks and water buffaloes here, and we all know how embarrassing those two can be in polite company.
5. Organise a Prithvi Shanti Maha Yagya in Pasupati for harmony in the universe and burn 15 tons of paddy seeds and feed 108 brahmins.
6. Collect and distribute Bagmati sludge for distribution in gas stations. The stuff is so inflammable it can be used as fuel for motorcycles.
7. Create an artificial shortage of LPG, but I notice the Ministry of Supernatural Resources has already thought of that.
8. Soda contains carbon dioxide, a major greenhouse gas, so avoid it. Henceforth, take your double single malt neat.
9. Burping releases greenhouse gases so burp in moderation.
10. Ask Pasupatinath one last time to keep us in the LDC category.
Read also:
Beggars and choosers,
Editorial
Nepal’s UN mission has its work cut out,
Abha Eli Phoboo