27 December - 2 Janauary 2014 #687

Loser takes all

Ass
Some countries have a first past the post system of direct elections where the winner takes all, others have a weighted process where candidates are nominated under a proportional representation system, many countries have a combination of the two. But only in Nepal do we have a political system where, after an election, the loser takes all. There is nothing to stop a losing candidate from being a prime minister and losers can delay the process of government formation by insisting on a parallel mechanism to bypass parliament that, of course, they should lead. One month after the elections, the losing parties set out a list of five conditions and all the winners said was: “Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.” Leading the process of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory is the Kangres, which seems so nervous about making mistakes in government that it is willing to let others lead it.

The man in the Con Gress inner circle who has always played the devil’s advocate is none other than Comrade Kristian Sitaula, who came out of nowhere to be the NC’s Alpha Male during Girjau’s reign. Together with Kaji Naran Kamred, he is always seen on the phone reporting back and taking instructions from anonymous interlocutors during breaks in meetings at the Peace Secretariat.

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The Mao Buddies not only asked for (and got) a High and Mighty Political Mechanism, but threw a tantrum when the others refused to let Comrade Lotus Flower lead it. In the end, the two parties that had won the election rolled over and waved their eight collective paws in the air, agreeing to everything the Mau Mau wanted just to get them to agree to take part in the CA. In the final analysis it can be said that the NC, UML, and five hangers-on Madhesi parties decided to let Pukada save his ass by letting him save his face. It was a hole the Great Helmsman, who once proclaimed himself Nepal’s most powerful man, dug for himself. The only thing PKD could do to assert himself was to feebly add a handwritten ‘Prachanda’ after Pushpa Kamal Dahal in the list of signatories to the hardcopy of the four-point communiqué issued on Tuesday.

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It looks like Chairman Awesome’s travails are just beginning as he faces a renewed mutiny within his ranks. His nemesis and rival, BRB, is pushing hard for PKD to relinquish one of the two top party posts and to bear responsibility for the party’s abject defeat in the elections. Because his grip on the party structure is not so strong, Laldhoj has taken the battle into cyberspace. The faceoff on Facebook between PKD loyalists and BRB has now reached a crescendo. After his thinly-veiled attack on his boss in a Facebook post, BRB was attacked from all sides, including by Dear Leader Prakash who let off a blistering fusillade on behalf of Comrade Daddy. Comrade Laldhoj had to resort to The Almighty in a Christmas Day FB post in which he quoted Voltaire to allude to his colleagues in the party: ‘God save me from my friends – I can protect myself from my enemies.’ Hint. Hint.

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The final straw for Awesome is to be labeled a ‘revisionist’. In numerous interviews he has said that he hates the word and all it denotes. Which is why BRB knows that calling PKD a ‘revisionist’ is the worst insult, worse even then calling him the offspring of a female dog.

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