The story that dominated all others, overshadowing even the power-sharing negotiations for the next coalition, was The Kiss. Now that it looks like she ain’t getting into the PR list of the Maobuddy Party that she joined out of revolutionary zeal, Kollywood’s Rekha Thapa has been turning her attention to the welfare of the downtrodden by donating rice by the sack loads to the Raute community in the jungles of western Makwanpur. There was slight problem, though. Rautes, being slash-and-burn farmers, don’t need rice, they want pigs. The Raute chieftain pretended to be happy enough to get the rice. However, to show just how much she loved the Raute, Rekha got carried away and planted a kiss on the startled cheek of said chieftain. Problem was, the Raute rank and file took umbrage, saying smooching was out of bounds in their hunter-gatherer culture and took it as an insult, boycotting the rice. Rekha has had quite a lot of explaining to do back at party HQ in Kathmandu, too.
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By the way, since when have blue plated vehicles with diplomatic impunity been allowed to install sirens so they can tear through traffic at the Bagmuddy Bridge? We can understand police, fire trucks, and ambulances being in a hurry. But what is so precious about the time Nepal’s donors have on planet earth that they can’t wait like everyone else stuck at the Thapathali intersection? Is there a cutoff to the annual ODA budget a donor agency has to earmark to be allowed to have a siren to establish its slot in the pecking order? Will $50 mill do it?
The Ass has it from unusually reliable sources that the reason the finalisation of the PR list has hit a snag is because party leaders are bargaining for kickbacks. Let’s say you are a businessman who wants to be included in the UML’s list and you come from a marginalised family of traditional millionaires. Simply deposit a sack of cash worth, say, 20 lacks with JN’s PA at Balkhu and you’ve hit the jackpot. The PR lists have become a huge source of revenue for the NC and UML to replenish war chests depleted by the elections as CA membership is auctioned off to the highest bidders. That is what the delay is all about.
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Madhesi parties that didn’t win a single FPTP seat, but have collected a few PR slots each have to field proportionate female candidates. As reported by a weekly, all the biggies are therefore nominating the only females they can trust: wives and sisters, and in one case even a grandmother, to the Constituent Assembly. So Shri Rajinder and Shri Raj Kishore are taking along their respective wives, as is Comrade Anil who has nominated his wife, Dimple, to the CA. Sarat Dai, meanwhile, has picked his girlfriend and Com Upadro has settled for is favourite sister-in-law. Good thing these leaders have only one wife, otherwise all hell would have broken loose. In addition to all the housewives in the new House, it looks like we will also have quite a few office wives in it.
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Finally, here is a simplified summary of this week’s politics: Chairman Awesome has desperately tried to deflect attention away from his failure as party leader by accusing the EC of electoral fraud. But at next week’s Central Committee meeting PKD is expected to come under intense pressure to give up his chairmanship. PKD knows better than anyone else that there is no afterlife in a communist party and is reluctant. BRB’s Facebook self-criticism appeared to be a mea culpa, but was actually a veiled attack on Lotus Flower. As the sabres are sharpened and rattled, PKD is doing what he does best: threatening to join the Dash.