Thank goodness we live in an era when journalists no longer have to be correct, we just need to be politically correct. What a great load it is off our backs not to anymore have to double-check every piece of gossip and conspiracy theory for its veracity and vivacity. When you can get into trouble for telling the truth, why bother? We can all sit back, relax and prepare for the World Cup with a cylinder of Pringles and let the chips fall where they may.
WARNING TO READERS: Don’t believe every word we say. Believe every other word.
Now that we have those legal niceties out of the way, we can get down to what you have all been impatiently waiting for with barely-concealed boredom, which is a roundup of this week’s main events:
Role of Media Stressed
POKHARA – The Minister of Culture and Agriculture has stressed the role of media in the under-development of the country. Speaking here in the Lake City on Tuesday at the inauguration of the All-Nepal Federation of Non-working Journalists (Counter-Revolutionary) he said: “Journalists should not make anything up. But if they want to, they should check with me first.”
Koirala Lying Low
KATHMANDU – Prime Minister Sushil Koirala has told an international news agency that he likes to lie low. This is because he doesn’t own a bed and sleeps on the floor.
Koirala’s only possessions are three mobiles, none of them smart phones. He also made the surprising disclosure that he is not a bachelor, but has been secretly married all this time to Lady Democracy.
In an interview to mark 100 days in office, Koirala told Xinhua News Agency this week that he has dedicated his whole life to the love of his life. Asked about his honeymoon, Koirala said he has always kept a low profile, and aside from hijacking a plane once has tried to do as little as possible in his life. He said he was trying not to ever again repeat the mistake of being decisive and bold. He said he had steadfastly stuck to this philosophy during the last 100 days in office.
“In order to prevent the government from making serious blunders, we have not taken any decisions,” he said. “We won’t actually be doing anything during my term in office so as to minimise our chances of making serious mistakes.”
Modi Felicitated
KATHMANDU – Prime Minister Sushil Koirala, in a dramatic and decisive move, today sent a message of felicitation to
Indian prime minister designate, Narendra Modi.
The Cabinet deliberated long and hard whether it was appropriate to congratulate Modi before his inauguration or after, with the meeting equally divided between those who said protocol demanded that messages could only be sent from one HoG to another HoG, and those who said it should be sent immediately.
The meeting ran late into the night, and since it was way past his bedtime, the prime minister took the bull by the horns to say “Send the damn thing”, and declared the meeting adjoured.
Ambassadors Short-listed
KATHMANDU – After months of indecision, the Cabinet has finally agreed on a shortlist of political appointees and career diplomats for 12 vacant Nepali embassies abroad.
The shortlist has 1,567 names. Given the victory of right-honourable Modi in India, top contenders for Nepal’s new ambassador to India could be Rishi the Dhamala and ex-king Gyanendra.
“This is the first step, we will now shorten the shortlist and announce the names of the new ambassadors by the end of the next fiscal year,” the Gobarment spokesman said.
Whether Or Not
Now, the weather forecast. In general, roughly speaking, it is our guesstimate that there may or may not be some likelihood of partly cloudiness here-and-there in isolated parts of Nepal in the next more or less 24 hours or so, approximately. Or, there may be not. Let’s face it: we don’t really know how soon the monsoon will arrive, but we know it may be sooner or later, or both. When it does rain, it will pour and there is a 50-50 chance that the rains may stay mainly in the plains.