Nepali Times

Ennyway, Nepal has made it to the Lonely Planet’s 10 Most Memorable Places to Visit in 2013 list. Which got us thinking about making a list of 10 slogans to promote Nepal as an even more memorable destination:

1. ‘Visit Nepal, See Stars’. No light pollution in Nepal because there is no electricity, and Kathmandu is the only capital in the world in which the Milky Way is visible from the city centre.

2. Nepal is a Cardamom and Ginger Superpower. ‘Visit Nepal and Spice Up Your Life’.

3. Nepalis have held Guinness Records for everything from the world’s shortest man to the world’s fastest clock. ‘Come to Nepal and Set Your Own World Record By Doing Something Crazy’.

4. Large parts of the country have still not been declared Open Defecation Free. ‘Come to Nepal and Do It In the Open’.

5. Nepal is the ninth most corrupt country in the world. ‘Help Eradicate Poverty By Bribing the Natives’.

6. Communism is alive and kicking in Nepal. ‘See Stalin resurrected and Mao rise from His Maoseleum’.

7. Time travel is not science fiction anymore. ‘Visit Nepal and Go Back to the 17th century’.

8. When you see the shortage of power, water, gas, diesel you will never complain about your petty problems again. ‘Visit Nepal, All My Troubles Seem So Far Away’.

9. Lack of water can also be turned into a tourist attraction. ‘Visit Nepal, Get That High and Dry Feeling’.

10. ‘The World’s Most-Memorable Airport, Kathmandu’. The longest immigration lines, shortest bus rides from plane to terminal, friskiest friskers, and most fragrant loos.

Alert readers will have followed the saga of Ketchup Stopit who was appointed by BRB to head the KTM Valley Commission, and then unceremoniously dumped last week by First Lady Ghusila. The Supreme Court has ruled saying he should have his job back, but by then Stopit had gone on tv spilling the beans about why he got the sack. Apparently he refused to approve kickbacks to fill Comrade Yummy’s tummy, and the last straw was a payoff from a luxury hotel on Kanti Path. But the former mayor of Ktown got so carried away with his confessions he also revealed that he had introduced the Maoists to Chinese arms dealers during the war. Whoa, comrades, is that the way to treat your arms broker?

Speaking of whom, Comrade Hasiya has been given a carte blanche by Comrade Hatoda and runs a parallel PMO from her office in Blubber Mahal. Now that Hubby Kamred’s days as Pardon Muntri seem to be numbered, the standard operating procedure is that decisions on all big contracts from multifuel powerplants to jet purchases are made by the First Lady’s secretariat. Any govt official who stands in the way is immediately transferred by a cabinet decision. Having broken national records on corruption, Ms Ghusila has now broken the world record for nepotism by getting seven siblings and relatives top jobs. The conjugal pair may be Raja Birodhi, but they sure emulate Raja Paksa.  

It is not true what people say about Comrade Red Flag being a Delhi implant. In fact, never in our nation’s history have we been as independent as we have been under the reign of  Prime Minister Bharu Ram. Just look at the evidence: we haven’t had an ambassador in Delhi for nearly two years now. In fact, not having a sitting envoy there means our plenipotentiary is not unduly beholden to the powers that be in the Indian capital. (Some even say: with Laaldhwoj as PM who needs an ambassador in Delhi?) If we don’t have an ambassador there, why keep the embassy? Let’s sell off the Barakhamba property and earn a couple of arabs in INR to pay Nepal’s overdue bills to Indian Oil so they resume regular diesel supplies. The other way we have asserted our sovereignty is by stopping flights by Nepal Airlines to Indian cities. There. Serves them right.  

Now we know why BRB is in no hurry to replace justices of the Supreme Court, he has hatched a top secret plan to promote the Chief Justice to replace him.