24-30 March 2017 #851

Clashing cymbals


The good news is that we are finally going to have local elections. The bad news is that the Erection Commission has run out of party symbols for its ballot papers. Since symbols like Sun, Moon, Tree, Cow are reserved for the 4-Party Cartel, there aren’t enough signs for the other 100 or so political parties contesting local elections. 

The Ass has had to rush to the rescue once more to sneak new symbols into the ballot papers just in the nick of time before they went off to the press this week. Voters can now go boldly forth on 14 May and confidently stamp the swastika on the Hammer and Sickle.

In order to enlarge the pool of election symbols, the Ass had to take take full advantage of Nepal’s biodiversity to include the country’s flora, fauna and sauna. The Uncastrated He-goat, Bull, Water Buffalo and Yak already adorn the existing ballot papers. To accommodate the political parties that are missed out, we have assigned them the Scorpion, Yeti, Vulture, Porcupine, Snake, Snail and (the Donkey is pleased to announce) a Jack Ass. No prizes for guessing where the Donk’s swastika is landing.

Since the Hammer and/or Sickle is now such a discredited election symbol, we have replaced it with Handcuffs. The disgruntled Big Plop fraction of the Maobuddies get to keep the Grenade if they change their mind and decide not to sabotage elections by burning tyres. Speaking of which the Burning Tyre symbol is up for grabs and will go to any party that organises the most shutdowns this year. My guess is that one of the Madhes-centric parties will qualify.

The Family Party which seems to always get a ministership even though it never wins a single seat in parliament must have the Condom as its erection symbol. The New Force Party had been assigned the Shakti Wheel, but adopted an AK-47 instead, Bibeksheel gets a Dust Mask and Sajha Party is assigned a Bus.

Here is the final Ballot Paper. Memorise the symbols and what they stand for before you vote. May the best ass win.

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