5-11 July 2013 #663

Seesaw politics

Ass
DIWAKAR CHETTRI
This has become a national trend: everyone and their grandmother is going on strike protesting government crackdowns on those cheating consumers. Gudpak shops went on strike last year when it was found they were making ladoos from recycled sewage. Taxi drivers were outraged that the government dared to stop them from charging passengers an arm and a leg. Petrol stations shut shutters whenever the government takes action against adulterers. What is surprising to us here in the donkey’s den is why other sectors of society are not also on warpath against government heavy-handedness. For example:

1. Why aren’t those accused of driving while drunk organising chukka jams to demand their fundamental right to drink whenever they want?

2. Why are senior bureaucrats whose bank lockers were opened by the CIAA not organising sit-ins and stand-outs?

3. Why aren’t body burners at Aryaghat stopping cremations to protest job loss due to the electric crematorium?

4. Shouldn’t immigration officers caught in flagrante cheating passengers be shutting down the airport?

5. APHIN (rhymes with coffin) should shut private hospitals to protest the govt’s effort to make healthcare affordable.

6. Our embassy in Washington DC should stop work to protest the NSA’s snub of not snooping on the Nepal embassy. We not important enough for the Amrikans, or what?

***


Just as we thot: the Maobuddies are hemming and hawing again about elections in November. While pretending to be on the campaign trail, Pushpa Kamal Dalal has been privately voicing doubts about polls to his firanghi friends. The reason is quite simple: a split party and plummeting popularity has convinced El Commandante that not only is he not going to be Nepal’s first Execution President, but he may not even get elected in his own constituencies. It has come to a point where Baddie leaders like PKD and ComeRed Rainman can’t even drive to what was once their heartland in Thawang, they have to take helicopters.

***


PKD is also getting sleepless nights because of BRB’s resignation from the post of vice-chairman. He sees this as a direct challenge to him to give up the leadership of the party which he has held for 25 years. PKD has made sure that he will get to field a majority of his own loyalists in the elections and distributing a few tickets to followers of BRB, NKS, and others. It’s looking more and more like the real rivalry is not between Cash and Dash, or even between Baddies and Not-so-Baddies, but between the personality cults of Comrades Lotus Flower and Red Flag. Given the tradition of back-stabbing among commies, it wouldn’t surprise anyone if the Dash baddies and the Cash Baddies reunite and sideline Babuji. Things have got so bad that PKD is planting stories and even editorials in sympathetic papers against Comrades Hasiya and Hatoda donating corrodes worth of cash and land to their Marxian Academy. The war of the comrades has also gone viral on FB, Twitter, and RatoParty.com, with @brb_laaldhwoj tweeting the other day that under no condition was he going to withdraw his resignation.

***


And this just in: Dash cadre are all busy making voter IDs. Why would they be doing that if they are going to be sabotaging elections? Ass’ prediction: Cash and Dash will be one again before elections, otherwise there won’t be elections.

Actual Headlines of the week:

NASA To Meet

White House in Finals

Nepal Goes to Sri Lanka

Next week’s headlines:

Pentagon Beats Watergate

Nepal Is In India

Dash Captures Land

Captured by Cash


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