FB
It was bound to happen sooner or later: the Dash Baddies have brought out a list of the most corrupt among their erstwhile comrades-at-arms in the rival Cash Baddies. No prizes for guessing who are the Top Three on the list:
1.PKD
2.HYB
3.KBM
But you are surely not going to see Loktantra Man Sing charge-sheeting any of these klepto-komreds any time soon. Apparently the Dashies did an asset search of the Cashies and found that the row of high rises on the airport road from Maiti Ghar to Tin Kune gave a whole new meaning to the term ‘Prachanda Path’.
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Some confused readers have written in to ask the Donkey to print a glossary of all the code words used in Backside to describe various Mau Mau factions, just so it’s easy for them to tell who’s who. Well, here goes:
Dash (Baidya)
Cash (Prachanda)
Bash (Baburam)
Hash (Hisila)
Rash (Ram Bahadur)
Mash (Mahara)
Gnash (Narayankaji)
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In the old days, there used to be strict guidelines about keeping His Majesty the King’s pictures in government offices. And the more sycophantic ones would add a portrait of Her Majesty as well. Some Panchayat ministers would get so carried away they’d also hang pictures of the Father of Nation, His Majesty King Tribhuvan, and a likeness of Grandfather of the Nation His Majesty Prithvi Narayan the Great. But after 2006, there are no hard and fast rules about which portraits should adorn the walls of government offices, so it is usually posters of film stars and other goddesses of the Hindu pantheon. There is a vague rule that civil servants can hang either a map of Nepal, or a portrait of a martyr of their choice. But in the absence of clear guidelines and because all government positions today are a result of band-fand between the four-party syndicate anyway, officials have started putting up photos of their party mentors. During the Panchayat, heads of the Sports Council used to be die-hard Mandalays and now they are dyed-in-the-wool Maobaddies. Not surprising, therefore, that the new head of Khel Kood Parisad has pictures of Comrades Owesome and Laldhoj hanging on his wall. The man must have a pretty good idea which side of his toast is buttered because he is now making way for Dear Leader Comrade Prakash to gain Council membership as the head of the recently registered Nepal chapter of the World Pentathlon Association. And that was when the world finally found out that Awesome Jr’s real name is Sakar. Not Sarkar, Sakar.
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Now that all our political leaders are on FB and Twitter, the job of a political reporter has been made much easier. We no longer have to go to the news, the news comes to us. The most prolific among them is @BRB-laldhwoj, and one wonders why Regmi Sir also doesn’t follow suit and get a Twitter account. Since we all know his handlers are researchers and analysts, here is a great Twitter handle for him: @KRR_baldhwoj. But politicians should take a few lessons on how to tweet responsibly and follow the soon to be drawn up Code of Ethics for online users. Politicians should tweet information only on a need to know basis. For instance, why is it absolutely necessary for Nepalis to know that RCP is ‘undergoing’ treatment for a severe case of assteroids?
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Soon after PKD accused the other parties of being ‘chicken’, across the country chicken are being slaughtered and buried. Is there a message there? Awesomeness also compared his party to ‘eagles’ and instructed the YCL to prowl the country like ‘lions’. Who does he think he is, Farmer Jones? And what is this, Animal Farm? Comrade Chairman was in a confessional mood the other day and admitted to having committed Four Mistakes. This
self-criticism shows that PKD is a true blue Maoist because Mao was in the habit of getting his colleagues to confess to a list of Six Deviations and launch Five Anti-Campaigns before sending them off to die in plane crashes. Our own Helmsman was being a bit modest and left out a whole bunch of other mistakes he has made:
** Brag about taking the UN for a ride in the Shaktihkor tape (should have also confessed to siphoning 5 billion from combatant allowance)
** Send goons to kick Ass’ ass in 2008
** Say different things to different people (should have said different things to the same people)
** Raising $3 billion for Lumbini (should have raised $6 billion)
** Missing out on saying “Hi” to Sonia Ji in Delhi (ask her to be FB friend)
** Should never have agreed to the 12-point, 7-point, 11-point, and 5-point agreements
** Having Prakash as son (and not Padam Kunwar)
** Sending 16,000 people to heaven (should’ve asked
God first)