DIWAKAR CHHETRI
The Regmi regime is sure made up of super-achievers. The techno-cats held a press conference last week to mark the 100th day of their honeymoon period and distributed a 100-page document listing their achievements. Impressive as it is (the interim council has notched one achievement every other day) a lot of the real accomplishments of the chief minister’s gorment could not be included in the list because of lack of space. The Ass has got exclusive access to the achievements that didn’t make it to the document:
101: Ensured that the South-west Monsoon arrived in timely fashion this year.
102: Prevented Edward Snowden from sneaking into Nepal through the backdoor.
103: Inaugurated 2 art exhibitions, 1 album launch, and 3 handicraft fairs.
104: Played madal with fellow-Syangjalis.
105: Declared war on Kollywood movie billboards.
106: Patched irritating pothole at Bhatbhateni intersection.
107: Chairman Regmi actually smiled during a photo-op with visiting Chinese dignitary.
108: Only 12 bunds in 100 days.
109: Declared KTM plastic bag-free, then promptly retracted the ban to protect jobs.
108: Took the trouble to count our achievements and publish this list.
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Now that they have abandoned the underground jungle and made their homes in the concrete jungle that is Kathmandu, Baddie comrades can’t seem to get enough of flying around in helicopters. PKD doesn’t need an excuse to get into an Ecuriel, BRB may have chosen a Mustang to ride around Kathmandu, but he was in the habit of commandeering Mi-17s for his monthly sleep-over with the proletariat, Comrade Rainman once took a seven-minute chopper ride to cut a red ribbon in southern Lalitpur. So there was nothing surprising about Chairman Fearsomeness asking Kill Raj to loan him a Super Puma so he could visit flood victims in Darchula. To his credit, KRR showed he is still awake by giving PKD a firm but polite “no” and then the Erection Commissioners on Wednesday issued an edict banning the use of choppers during election campaigning. The loudest howls of protest came from the Baddies. Could it be because they were once in the habit of chopping off the limbs of class enemies that they can’t keep away from choppers?
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So it came to pass that the ‘black spot’ in the president’s larger intestine was not malignant, in fact Japanese doctors couldn’t even find the black spot which is clearly visible in the x-rays done in Nepal. The Ass can make a fairly good guess what the black spot really was: the hospital in Kathmandu hadn’t serviced the x-ray machine and there was a stain in the film. Anyway, the long and short of it is that the country ended up paying Rs 10 million for treatment that not only could have been done in Nepal, but which wasn’t even necessary. BTW, is anyone checking if all members of the Prez entourage actually return to Nepal?
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Suzie Q has been going around the world pretending she is still Phoren Minister. After her faux pas in Germany, she was in Thailand last week extending an invite to PM Yingluck to visit Nepal. Whoa, is the SE Asia Dept apprised? Must say, though, that the recommendation of the Standing Committee of the Cash Baddies to nominate Comrade Yummy to the post of Treasurer was an excellent choice. As a fund raiser, the Former First Lady is type cast, they couldn’t have found a better man for the job.
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The real epicentre of government has shifted from Balu Water to Lodging Part, where the Fierce One holds court and meets KRR every Wednesday evening to give his instructions for next morning’s cabinet meeting. The talk of the week was also the secret meeting between PKD and MBK about reunifying the un-Unified CPN-M just after Lotus had met a certain Chinese visitor. The go-between is none other than Krishna (“50 corrodes”) Mahara in whose house in Patan the hush-hush meets take place.