After petroleum tanker drivers went on strike recently to be allowed to steal fuel en route from Amlekhganj to Kathmandu and taxi drivers staged a show of force for the right to fleece passengers, it is now the turn of K-town’s jewelry shops who have taken umbrage at the Department of Standards and Metrology inspectors daring to test the purity of the gold they sell and check the accuracy of their weighing machines. How dare they? Don’t they know it is now standard operating procedure in the Syndicated Demagogic Republic of Nepal for crooks to cheat crooks? Not to be outdone, meat traders also went on strike this week violating the basic human right of Nepalis to be carnivores. By forcing temporary vegetarianism on the denizens of the capital, butchers have shown their dissatisfaction at not being warned before inspectors arrive to assess the hygiene level of their meat shops and to determine whether goats are really goats and not other recycled street fauna.
***
Why should tanker operators, taxi drivers, gold traders, and butchers not be allowed to cheat when the main bone of contention over elections is whether or not criminals should be allowed to contest elections? Yup, that’s what is holding things up. Baddies want their top comrades accused of woman and/or manslaughter to be allowed to contest elections since, if the rule banning candidates with criminal records went into effect, both Dash and Cash Baddies would have very few contenders running for elections. If this happens, Nepal will probably be the first country in the world to decriminalise murder.
***
It becomes clearer why LMSK was brought into the CIAA: to give those who put him there a clean chit and hound rivals. The corruption watchdog has hit the ground running by summoning all secretaries to growl at them and show who’s boss. He wants road contractors to be hauled over the coals over potholes on the streets and is going about his job with such a fine tooth comb that he only catches fleas. No wasting time investigating the bloated hyenas who are purloining public land, Comrade Hasiya’s vermiculture farm (BTW, will she have to refund the earthworms now that 3A has been scrubbed?) and the billions stolen over six years by ministers for the upkeep of Mau Mau cantonments.
***
Good to see that KhiRaRe is finally girding up his loins and showing that he has gonads, after all. He summoned the Syndicate to Balu Water last week and gave them an ultimatum (“either agree among yourselves, or I’ll unilaterally announce elections”) shaming the four-party cartel into passing the ball to the Chief Minister’s court. So it looks like the Regmi Regime is all set to announce an election date and let the chips fall where they may.
Still, the powers that be seem to be more interested in erections than elections. Construction is set to begin after the monsoon of the Republic Tower in Kirtipur, which when finished will surely go down in the Guinness Book as the ugliest and least functional erection ever. Costing over 90 corrodes, the 100m high tower will be the most expensive sun dial ever made in world history. The architects scrapped the idea of putting the figure of a phoenix on top because that could apparently have been construed to mean the monarchy rising from the ashes.
***
Patriotic Nepali leaders trooping off to Delhi refuse to speak in Hindi to their Indian counterparts and insist on conversing in English, re. One recent visitor burped loudly after a banquet at Hyderabad House and said: “I feel so fulfilled, I am fed up.” And while being seen off at IGIA, the Nepali politician shook the hand of his Indian host and said: “Thank you from the bottom of my heart and from my wife’s bottom, too.”