17-23 January 2014 #690

The story so far

Ass
Two weeks into 2014, it is time to do a preliminary assessment of how the Donkey is faring in adhering to the new year resolutions that were adopted on 31 December.

A pilot sample survey has shown that most resolutions are being strictly observed and the Ass is off to a flying start. To wit:

  1. I will stop smoking cigarettes. (I’ll stick to pot.)

  2. I will stop giving bribes. (But I’ll gladly take them.)

  3. I will cut the carbs. (I cut the chocolate cake into smaller pieces before eating it.)

  4. Will stop drinking and driving. (I have stopped driving and have been concentrating strictly on the drinking part for the last two weeks.)

  5. Will try to lose 20kg. (After the recent diarrhoea vomiting attack, am halfway there.)

  6. Will save water. (Haven’t flushed the toilet since January 1st)

  7. Will stop using bad words. (WTF is now the World Taekwondo Federation, as far as I am concerned.)

  8. Won’t put all my eggs in one basket. (Have been successfully deploying my chicken in different baskets after counting them before they hatch.)

  9. Will save electricity. (Haven’t used any, cuz there ain’t none.)

  10. Won’t be mean to co-workers. (Called the CEO a SOB, and now don’t have any co-workers to be mean at.)

***


Alert readers must have noticed that two months after elections, our netas still don’t know whether they are coming or going. I won’t go into the gory details, since I have it on good authority that there are some minors present, but if Nepali politics was Roman times and we were all in a Colosseum watching gladiatorial contests it would be like blood was gushing out of the severed aorta of the defeated centurion amidst a huge roar of approval from the spectators, the lion would be dismembering a couple of yummy pilgrims even as we speak, and the winning side would be engaged in a three-way fight eviscerating each other, with the victor finally holding up the entrails and decapitated head of the wannabe prime minister.

***


So, for those of you just back from your Xmas-New Year breaks, you haven’t missed anything. It’s still the same fun and games. Here is a brief summary of the story so far: Chairman Awe-inspiring knows that the public knows that it was the eh-Maleys who, after he lost in KTM-10, tampered with the ballot boxes in Siraha and sacrificed their own UML candidate to allow him (PKD) to salvage at least one seat. The Fierce One is right about cheating in the vote counting, but it was cheating to let him win! BRB also knows this inside story, and he is turning the screws on the defanged Chairman Lotus Flower at the centcom meeting this week.

***


The eh-Maleys are bargaining hard for senior cabinet posts in a coalition with the NC, and are using the replacement of the Prez by one of its own as a bargaining chip. Word has it Makuney has already visited the tailors to have a new daura suruwal stitched. But Manhunt Thakur also sees himself as a potential candidate and thinks the head of state position should continue to be filled by a Madhesi.

***


The inaugural session of the CA on Wednesday will just be a swearing in, and the action will start when infighting within the NC throws out a clear winner and that person can take the fight to the UML about cabinet formation. At the rate we are going, though, we’d be lucky if we had a gubberment by spring.

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