Nepali Times

As you may have noticed, 2014 is off to a flying start with the news item that Nepal is to host an International Conference of Laughter this year. This is appropriate, since Kathmandu is already the seat of the SAARCASM Secretariat and has won the bid to host the headquarters of the International Training Centre for Humour (ITCH), by beating other promising rival candidates such as Pyongyang and Yangon.

Further details are awaited. But if true, what this means is that besides being known as the birthplace of the Buddha, the Land of Everest, and the hartal capital of the Eastern Hemisphere, Kathmandu is going to be turned into a seriously funny place. About time, too, since things were starting to get a bit out of hand around here. According to well-placed sources quoted by RSS, the Nepal Chapter of Humorous International will work closely with the Nepal Tourism Bored to promote humour tourism and to kick this off it has already declared 2014 ‘Amusing Nepal Year’.

The Chairman of the Amusing Nepal Organising Main Committee told newspersons at a solemn press conference: “It is of great national pride for Nepal to be chosen as the venue for this conference. You there near the window, what’s so funny? This is no laughing matter, we are taking this development very seriously indeed. We will not allow our country to be made a laughing-stock.”

Besides the plenary, the convention will have several working groups to deliberate on issues like ‘Good Governance and Good Humour’, ‘The Role of Court Jesters in Post-Conflict Reconciliation’, and ‘Is Democracy a Bad Joke?’



And in other news:

HELMETS MANDATORY FOR PEDESTRIANS

The Kathmandu Valley Traffic Police Office has announced that helmets and protective suits will be mandatory for all pedestrians in the capital from January 2014. Citing the increasing number of speeding Kathmanduites who collide with parked vehicles everyday, commuters who get sideswiped by motorcyclists on zebra crossings, vendors in Asan who get gored every so often by bulls, and those who fall into potholes while attending to calls of nature, the police has decided that pedestrians will be required to wear protective gear while going about their daily business.

“It is our duty to make it safe for people to walk on the streets,” said the head of the police’s new Safety First and Last Task Force. “We will not rest easy until every life and limb of every street walker in Kathmandu is accounted for.”

The mandatory gear that every Kathmanduite will be required to wear while walking on the streets will include a Grade 50 Thermex Crash Helmet with Neck Brace and Visor, industrial strength facial mask with a 1,000 litre oxygen cylinder to brave the dusty widening roads, elbow and knee guards, teflon- coated shin pads, crampons, carabiners, and jumar rope to rappel out of potholes.

TREKKER PROTECTION IN 2014

The Nepal government has decided to make it mandatory for trekkers to wear radio collars to track their movement by satellite, effective immediately. The TAAN authoritarians will be able to monitor the exact position of all trekkers in Nepal in real time on a giant GPS screen at its headquarters in Kathmandu. “We are hopeful that this will mean every hiker can be tracked to see if they sneak into restricted areas without paying fees,” said a Tourism Offical.

SMOKING BANNED

The government has decided to ban smoking in the Valley with immediately effect to protect the health of its citizens. The Supremo Court made the ruling after reviewing scientific evidence that walking for one hour on Kathmandu streets was the equivalent of smoking four packs of cigarettes. Inhalation of cigarette exhaust would exacerbate health hazards, the study concluded. “We had to ban smoking on overhead bridges because it is impossible to control fumes from cars,” the Justice said, “but our next step will be to ban breathing in all public places.”

Research has shown that many Kathmandu residents can now hold their breath for up to half-an-hour at a stretch while walking along the Bagmati at Teku without any untoward side effects.