20-26 November 2015 #783

When he’s (clearly) not that into you….

For majority of the population, it is not easy to find someone who is a right fit.
Ask Anjana Anything

Hi everyone,

I love this quote that I read which said something like - ‘You know that tingly feeling when you like someone? It is common sense leaving your body.’ In our lives, we have all done some questionable things for the sake of love, or whatever you choose to call it. If you have to question yourself and others, if something is ok multiple times- it is probably not. Have you seen the movie He’s Just Not That Into You? It shows you various shades of romantic interest, or lack thereof. For majority of the population, it is not easy to find someone who is a right fit. Just look at all the books and products that are out there to help you ‘find’ love. Some people are lucky to meet compatible partners where things just seem so easy and smooth.

Send me your questions to askanjanaanything@nepalitimes.com

Hi Anjana,

I have been dating a guy for a few months now. He asked me out to dinner last week on Wednesday but cancelled it last minute because he said his friends had made plans that he did not know about so he went to that. That was the second date he cancelled. I was annoyed because he did not ask me to join him. I sent him an angry text saying ‘text me when you can fit me in your super busy schedule.’ It's Sunday night now and I have still not heard from him. Should I call and apologise for my snappy text to him? I might have made him angry, it was my fault. This is just so confusing.

Annoyed &Confused

AR: Waiting to hear back from someone, especially a romantic interest, can be extremely excruciating. One minute can feel like hours, and in your case it has been a couple of days. I am actually quite surprised that you have not already called or texted him yet. The fact that you haven’t is quite impressive.

I am definitely not a fan of people who cancel plans last minute, it shows lack of consideration or seriously bad planning skills. However, in this case- how do I put this as gently as possible? It does not seem that he is that invested in the ‘relationship.’ If you have been dating someone for a few months, you should have met his friends already- unless he just made all these new friends now. If he wanted to invite you to go out with his friends, he would have. If he wanted to go out to dinner with you, he would have. If he wanted to text you back, he would have already done that.

I am sorry to say this but it does not look like he is as invested as you are. I could be wrong- perhaps it was an important only friends hangout night. However, it is a universal truth that when a person genuinely likes someone, s/he would try their best to see the other person and spend time with them. People are never too busy, it is a matter of priorities. He does not see you as a priority so it is your decision whether you are okay with being an option. The smart thing to do is just let this one go, do not call/text/stalk him. You will thank yourself down the line.

You need to be with someone who makes time to be with you, and does not leave you angry and confused. Good luck.

Read also:

Love can wait?, Anjana Rajbhandary

Love in the time of Facebook, Anjana Rajbhandary