Trying to see how the relationship might look in the long run might be a good indication of how much potential the relationship has
Hi everyone,
‘Cyclical relationships’ are more common than you may think. Teenagers and adults seem to getting more involved in the dramatic relationship revolving door syndrome, where you break up and get back together, Sometimes multiple times, to the misery of your family and friends. Loneliness and low self esteem may make couples get back together for the temporary relief of reconciliation. It is much easier to rekindle an old familiar romance than to be brave and stay single. The strength also helps one move on to potentially find a partner who may better fit the individual. The chance of finding someone more compatible is highly compromised by today’s generation’s decision to choose the easy way out. Trying to see how the relationship might look in the long run might be a good indication of how much potential the relationship has.
Please send questions to: askanjanaanything@nepalitimes.com or @AnjyRajy
I’m in love with my ex boyfriend. I broke up with him but we’ve been talking lately and it’s going well. How do I win him back? XX
AR: It is normal to question the decision of a breakup, and go back and forth in your head but after some time goes by: you will (hopefully) eventually figure out what is best for you. Perhaps make a list of the pros and cons of getting back.
The majority of studies say that reconciled relationships have a very low chance of actually lasting because most of the time couples get back together for the wrong reasons. Temporary comfort is not the reason to get back together. Maybe in the time apart, take time to see if you two would be able to have a conversation about the good, bad and flawed parts of your childhood and how it may affect your future relationship? The worst reason to rekindle a once broken romance is that you cannot find anyone better or, to put in a more direct way, because you may be too lazy, scared or comfortable to try.
There are reasons when it may make sense to get back together with an ex, for example when enough time has passed and you both have done enough soul searching, and decided you want the same things in life while willing to work on the differences you had that led to the break up in the first place. If you both believe in second chances and are sure you want it to work then yes give it a shot.
If you and your ex-boyfriend understand each other and help each other grow into a better or even best version of yourself, then this should not be an issue. You are still in love with him but do you know if he feels the same way and wants the same thing as you? It has to be a two- way thing. I really don’t think you can ‘win’ someone when they do not want to be with you and if they do, it’s not exactly a competition. If you both feel the same way, then it won’t take so much work and planning- it will just evolve naturally. Good luck.
Anjana is a certified mental health rehabilitation technician.
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