13-19 March 2015 #749

Ask Anjana Anything

You are the only one responsible for your own happiness
Anjana Rajbhandary

Hi again, sometimes trying to make everyone else happy can leave you a little empty on the inside but you are the only one responsible for your own happiness. You should choose it because you deserve it. Thank you for the questions. Keep them coming at: askanjanaanything@nepalitimes.com.

  • I was born and raised in a semi-modern extrovert Newar family. I’m married with two kids. I studied abroad and was provided a comfortable life by my parents. My in-laws moved in with us recently, and we tried to make it work but it has been terrible. I want to be traditional and respectful, but currently we are not getting along, we can’t even look at each other. I want us to live on our own, but my husband does not understand. We are always fighting and the home environment is very negative. I am very unhappy, and I don’t know what to do.

P Tuladhar

AR- Thank you for writing and expressing your concern. It is good to take care of your parents-in-law, but if it is not working out and causing you unhappiness it may be best to separate from your in-laws. Holding on to resentment can have a negative effect on your marriage and your children. I would suggest putting your ego aside and trying to talk to them, perhaps with a more neutral mediator. I believe we should want to take care of our parents, not feel obligated to. It’s important to treat our elders with respect but it is a two-way street. I hope you are able to work things out, and if not, separating might be the smart choice, as in the end we all deserve to be happy. Good luck.

  • I have a friend who just got engaged and says she is happy. However, the more time I spend with the two of them, the harder it is to ignore her fiancé’s condescending tone. He often behaves in a socially inept way - he can rant for hours about himself without asking anything to others or listening. I find it hard to stomach the flaws to which she is so blind. I find myself withdrawing from our friendship because I feel I can’t be honest with her. I just can’t stand the dude or understand her choice!

- NM

AR- Thanks for writing and expressing your concern regarding your friend. It is very easy to judge other people’s relationships from the outside. I think it is smart not to interfere in your friend’s relationship: it will only affect your friendship as she might get defensive. As long as she does not acknowledge it and it does not bother her, I would suggest, staying out of it and respecting your friend’s choices. Do try to put your biases aside.

I would suggest you distance yourself just because you do not like her fiancé. You are an adult, try to be a good, mature friend. She will appreciate it, and you will feel better in the long run. Good luck.

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