Asian Paints Nepal

12-18 April 2013 #651

Darkness on the Sewage Canal

Ass
To tell you frankly, the Ass is getting sick and tired of listening to some of you who have insisted on whining on and on at the neighbourhood watering hole about the current load shedding regime chaired by CJ Khil Raj Regmi.

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Thankfully, people like you are in a minority and an overwhelming number of Nepalis are optimistic and have a positive outlook about the fact that we have become creatures of darkness. We hole-heartedly welcome load shedding because we see its brighter side. You may well ask, so what are the silver linings of power cuts? Whoa, not so fast, can’t you see I’m thinking?

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As I was saying, all you need is a positive attitude to take advantage of our return to the pre-industrial age. In fact I would go as far as to venture that cutting off power to the people for 70 hours a week is the single most outstanding achievement of the post-Comprehensive Peace Accord dispensation and we should all be singing hosannas (if we aren’t already) in praise of He who made this possible.

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There is even more delightful news that the people may have to do with even less power than they have at present which can only mean that, god willing, the little power there is will be concentrated in fewer and fewer hands. But, as the adage goes, let’s not get too excited about that and start counting our chickens before they die of a mysterious flu-like epidemic. So ladies and gentlemen, thank you for waiting. As promised, and totally off the top of my head, here are some reasons why load shedding is good for this great nation of ours that has never suffered under the Colonial Yoke:

Current load shedding timetables are very complicated and one needs a PhD in Plasma Physics to figure them out. With the layman in mind, future schedules will be much simpler: power supply every alternate day for 15 minutes. ? Nepalis will be watching less television. This means that instead of engaging in our national pastime of fondling the remote, we will be indulging in a new national pastime of playing interactive games with each other in the dark. As a result, the country will see a new baby boom and a demographic bulge to quadruple the nation’s GDP by 2025.

Nepal Tourism Board will use the Berlin Travel Mart this week to unveil its new promotional campaign under the slogans: ‘Once Is Not Enough, Take Another Trip to the Dark Ages’ and ‘Visit Nepal-The Heart of Darkness'.

Nightvision goggles will no longer be a restricted military item but an essential consumer electronic gadget for everyday home use. This will facilitate finding one’s way from the bedroom to the bathroom and taking accurate aim in the general direction of the waterloo (Important Reminder for Male Nightvision Customers: Our Aim Is To Keep This Place Clean Your Aim Would Help.) Kids can catch up with their homework using nightvision equipment and one can go bar-hopping in Thamel again without the threat of inadvertently finding oneself neck-deep in a booby-trapped pot hole.

Load shedding means less time wasted aimlessly surfing the net. The time saved can be employed in taking long walks with kith and kin and ensure strong family bonding. My particular favourite is to stroll along the Bagmati Promenade inhaling the full methanogenic aroma of our very own Sewage Canal.

The proposed 32-storey skyscraper coming up in Purano Bus Park will be a symbol of national pride since it will be the tallest erection in South Asia when it is completed by 2015. But since projections show load shedding will still be in the vicinity of 28 hours a day, the high rise will enter the Guinness Book as the tallest building in the world without a functioning lift.

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