Rani Pokhari Fun Park
Ass
I agree with many of you irate readers who have been spewing venom at Kathmandu’s newly-elected Mayor for what he is doing to Rani Pokhari. Turning this historic 16th century pond into a concrete-rimmed swimming pool is a terrible idea. If Mayor Shakya had any intestinal fortitude he would scrap the swimming pool project and turn Rani Pokhari into a much more ambitious Fun Park complete with water slides, splash pads, spraygrounds, swan pedal boats and opening it up for surfing with artificial waves.
If he had any imagination (which he obviously doesn’t) he would also introduce a high-speed hydrofoil ferry to ply between Tri Chandra College roundtrip to Durbar High School so commuters can bypass traffic jams in the Ratna Park intersection. Unfortunately our mayor has no ingenuity and enterprise, he is obsessed with just lining the pond with concrete, and his alleged pockets with alleged kickbacks from an alleged coffeeshop franchise.
However, it must be said that the last time I checked, we were still a democracy. We elected this mayor, he won fair and square without cheating, and he wants to turn the pond into an Olympic Size Swimming Pool. What’s your problem? Live with it. You know what the real problem is? That we have a whole bunch of Luddites and flatearthers who try to arrest the march of progress and modernity, want to keep Nepal in the middle ages, and try to stop Kathmandu from being turned into a modern Turd World town.
Not that The Ass has been asked for any advice by City Hall, but if I was, there is a whole bunch of beautification and modernisation schemes I would propose during his tenure to earn him much-needed brownie points. I have listed some of these top secret ideas here, and reveal it only on condition that you don’t go around blurting it out to anyone:
Tundikhel
This last bit of open space in Kathmandu is the city’s lung. But it is a diseased lung, and time we gave it back to the ex-Royal Nepal Army which used it as a parade ground for the cavalry. HQ should be allowed to use the field’s entire length from the Stadium to Ratna Park during the Phulpati and Shivaratri parades to showcase the military’s top secret ballistic missiles, and to build underground launch silos in the Sahid Gate area.
Sano Tundikhel
This forgotten little brother of Tundikhel which had become a sports arena, can be recommissioned for military use for the Army’s hush-hush centrifuge facility for making weapons grade plutonium.
Dharara
The site of the former tower should also be handed over to the Army, where it can rebuild the minaret in the shape of a missile as a decoy to fool spy satellites.
Tinkune
This triangular traffic island has been laying un-used for too long. The Mayor should immediately turn it into Disneyland Kathmandu with Astro Orbitor, Disney monorail, Dumbo the Flying Elephant fantasy ride, Finding Nemo submarine voyage, and last but not least the Golden Zephyr thrill ride.
Durbar High School
Nepal’s first school to be converted into Durbar Mall with Cine 4D and IMAX multiplexes, with terrace cafe overlooking Rani Pokhari Fun Park.
Kasthamandap
Bowling alley-cum-party palace.
Basantapur Durbar
Ultra modern 9-storey luxury apartment block.