FIRST STUDENTS, THEN TEACHERS: The fight for a peaceful learning environment continues.

Recently, we held a week-long self-defence class for teachers in Surkhet, which we thought was very successful. The school was closed. The teachers didn't have anything to do anyway. We thought it would be a good extracurricular activity. Who knows, some singletons may have even met their soulmates.

Riding on that wave of success, we have decided to take this training countrywide and establish a security wing called Volunteer Teachers of Nepal. No! They will not be volunteering to help your children with after-school tuition. They will be volunteering for defence.

We will distribute membership forms to 10,000 teachers in Nepal and provide training. They will all be below the age of 40. People older than that do not really need to socialise after school hours because they can be immensely mind-numbing. "In my time …blahblahblah." Boring!

It's not as if such forces are a new thing. Did you not hear about the deserters who wanted to form a security force and help the police maintain peace by directing traffic in the capital? About 200 of them bought themselves blue tracksuits and started training in Bhaktapur. Unfortunately, their egotistical leader got a piece published in the papers and 75 of them were promptly arrested. Ours is a self-defence force. When did it become illegal to defend yourself?

Who will we be defending ourselves from? That is a very good question. You see, our training will teach teachers how to protect themselves in the ongoing People's Movement. They will learn how to discipline those attacking the teachers in the districts. They will create an environment for learning without fear. And, they will solve all problems that may arise in school management committees, district education committees, etc.

In the first round of self-defence, we will expose the exploitation of teachers in private schools. We will then proceed with disciplinary procedures against such schools.

Sure, Nepal Teacher's Association and Nepal Teacher's Organisation could run similar training programs. We are certain they will never be able to leave the district headquarters though. Just compare the Youth Force and Tarun Dal to our Young Communist League. To reach Surkhet, for instance, these teachers will probably all hire Pulsars in Kathmandu like the Tarun Dal did to get Khum Bahadur Khadka elected in Dang. Posers!

But it would actually be quite fun if they did come and join us. We could play kabbadi against each other. When they are on our side of the court, we will show them how we do our training.

Mao Zedong once said we should not read too many books because they petrify the mind. Self-defence exercises will free our minds. Just think of it as yoga.