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Tee Break
Tee on the funny side


Conversations with golfers inevitably include golf jokes. If they can't crack one about the game, they are taking it way too seriously.

If you are not a golfer, without doubt many of these golf jokes will go over your head. (By the way, I'd like to know why a non-golfer is even reading this!) But I sympathise with those subjected to golf humour. I too was in that same clueless position many years ago as a junior at the Royal Nepal Golf Club. I'd look around with a blank smile plastered on my face as the golfers roared with laughter at some wisecrack.

Looking back I can imagine that many of those were crude humour. However, even those are often used as a refresher to lighten up the mood after a bad round. Just as there are jokes about everything else in the world, golf has jokes as its lighter side. This week, we treat you to some golf truths from the funny side. Feel free to use any of them the next time you find yourself drowning your sorrows at the 19th hole.

. Trust me, your worst round ever will follow your best round of golf almost immediately. To top it off, the probability of the former increases with the number of people you tell about the latter.
. No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire at the 18th hole since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and eventually, a lifetime.
. All brand new golf balls are water magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
. Golf balls never bounce off trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
. No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant, "You looked up" or invoke the wrath of the universe.
. The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
. Every par three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
. Sand has to be alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
. During your rounds, golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
. Golf balls from the same 'sleeve' tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water.
. 'Nice lag' can usually be translated to 'lousy putt'. Similarly, 'tough break' can usually be translated 'way to miss an easy one, sucker'.

On a more serious note, this Saturday, the Spinal Injury Rehabilitation Centre (SIRC) is holding its annual charity golf tournament at Gokarna Forest Golf Resort. The success of this event means that those suffering from spinal injuries get a chance at life again. So, take an afternoon away from your yearly calendar to join in and support this worthy cause.

Call the Resort (4451212) for information on how, even as a non-golfer, you can help by having a wonderful Saturday outing and joining in the fun.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)