Nepali Times Asian Paints
KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
Things are a lot better - govt

KUNDA DIXIT


The first of July will mark five months since that fateful winter morning in February when suddenly without warning, like a bolt out of the blue, we were told of the happy news that Nepal and North Korea would not try to outdo each other and sign a non-aggression pact.

Ever since, things in Nepal suddenly started taking a dramatic turn for the better. And they haven't stopped getting any better. Every day and in every way, things are getting better and better and we can say with confidence that everything is so vastly improved and we have reached such a pinnacle of progress that things just can't get any better anymore. In fact, from here on, it is going to be downhill all the way.

Still, we have naysaying nabobs in the media who only see things taking a turn for the worse even though there is ample evidence to the contrary all around them. All they to do is look under every nook and behind every cranny and the place is absolutely crawling with signs of positive change since February First. But the media ignores them because Good News Doesn't Sell. So, in the interest of the public's right to know and feel happy, we are duty bound to publish the following bits of inspirational news from the Uprising Nepal:

Five potholes patched in Jawalakhel

Five meteorite impact craters in Ekantakuna that had been bedeviling motorists and pedestrians alike since the reign of King Pratap Malla and were totally ignored by successive democratic governments after 1990 were filled in this week.

In a dramatic illustration of the can-do attitude of the post-February order, the potholes were all turned into speed breakers overnight. Three of them immediately reverted into large cavities again with the onset of monsoon, but hey, look at the bright side: five minus three is two and that still leaves us with two fewer potholes in Patan.

The pessimists will, of course, point out that there are other 3.2 million potholes just in the Patan area, but the municipality is on the right track after it decided to kill two birds with one stone and turn potholes into landfill sites for garbage.

Tourists to pay to enter Pokhara

Encouraged by a three-fold increase in tourist arrivals this month after 12 Japanese were hoodwinked into visiting Nepal, Pokhara municipality has decided to cash in on the boom by announcing that it will charge all 12 of them a fee to enter the city.

The new fee will be in addition to the Visa-on-Arrival Fee, Tourist Tax, Domestic Airport Tax, Highway Toll, Phewa Cleanup Levy, Davis Falls Excise, Prithbi Highway Octroi, Customs Baksheesh, ACAP Tax, Compulsory Trekking Extortion and TIA Departure Fee.

"Bhaktapur did it, Patan did it, there is no reason why we can't do it," said an official, "at this rate, it won't matter if there are fewer tourists because the ones who come will be forced to spend everything they have."

Government thinking about water supply

The government says it is not true that it has ignored the severe water crisis in Kathmandu and is giving it some serious thought.

"We're thinking about it all the time," said the spokesman for the Ministry of Hot Air and Obfuscation, "in fact there isn't a moment that goes by when we are not thinking about it. But thank god the monsoon got here in the nick of time, now we can think about other things until next year."


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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