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Back at Sundarijal >52

After his second return to Nepal after going to the United States for medical treatment, BP is imprisoned once more. This time, his diary entries become sporadic. He does not follow the printed pages of the diary anymore, but jots down notes with dates. He is detained at the Police Training Centre and is once more obsessed with his deteriorating health. He can receive visitors and food from outside, but still no foreign newspapers and radio.

The 1st thing in the morning that I receive is a tiffin carrier with boxes of rasgolla + cheese sent by Shailaja. I know at the very first sight that they were from Shailaja but I inquired of the officer who brought them only to make sure. The camp commander complained to me about the behaviour of someone, perhaps Shriharsha at hom, who had received a call from here. The camp commander wanted to communicate over the phone my request for a woolen cap to Shriharsha who, however (according to the c.c.) abruptly cut off the line saying that he knew nothing of the Koiralas. I too thought it was a very strange behaviour on Shriharsha's part if it was really he who was on the phone. I think the c.c. was connected to a wrong person. I.G. came for a while + told me that he had spoken to PM about our demand for foreign newspapers + radio. He feels that this would be met after PM returns from Hetaura three days hence. I.G. again asked me to do something to go out of prison + function outside as a free man. "It is no use being a second Abdul Gaffar Khan." I told him everything depends on the king's attitude + that I am at his disposal + that I won't discuss my plans or ideas on political matters except with the king. I will not permit any intermediary between the king and myself.

This little camp-my current prison, a big room, a small kitchen, a bathroom, a toilet surrounded by a wall-is being attended to by a host of people. Everything is in a shipshape-and a great bustle as if some important auspicious ceremony is about to take place like marriage or reception. Officers visit the camp one after the other + find fault with the condition of chandeliers or the arrangement of the flowerpots. The compound is swept twice over and the unsightly bundle of faggots is removed from direct sight + concealed in a corner at the back of the kitchen. Why all this? GM and I discuss about it and try like soothsayers to analyse + predict on the basis of these manifestations the future development. What do these trivial activities portend? Shailaja sends me a few books.

The day passed in a very dull manner. I got up at 3:30 PM, an unusual hour to leave the bed. I didn't generally get full sleep these days moreover my bladder full to the bursting, washed my mouth had a glass of tepid water + then prepared two glasses of tea (one for the sentry who was standing in the cold outside my room) read for sometime most fitfully, wanted to go to bed again, but couldn't get sleep, then tried reading without concentration-took some time decided what warm clothes to put on before going out for a small walk in the limited area surrounding my room which is known as the 'compound' of my camp, did ? an hour's constitutional. At about 7AM prepared a hot glass of milk boiled with some sutho (for treatment of flatulence + tolerance of milk). A glass of this treated milk with two vegetables was my breakfast. GM comes into my room and prepares his elaborate breakfast of apples, bananas, milk, cornflakes, cheese, he seems ever to be hungry and not have his fill ever.

Had an elaborate bath. I have to make up a determined mind to take a bath because it is so boring and therefore tiring that I.

Was informed in the morning that my people would come to see me at 2PM. The information didn't produce excitement or expectancy. Interviews in the present condition should be exciting, but I find myself unexcited-the prospect leaves me almost indifferent. I feel like telling them not to come to see me, unless it is very urgent. I would, however, like to meet Shailaja, but she is not permitted to see me. And, then, what is there to talk about?

Dr Gangol and Dr Laxmi Narayan saw me today. My BP 110/60. My voice has developed hoarseness to a great degree than when I arrived here. It is contrary to the expectation that I will regain my old voice gradually. Hence a matter of concern. Left vocal chord is stationary, the right one is working but is being overworked.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)