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KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
News roundup

KUNDA DIXIT


And here is our weekly roundup of sensational news from around the nation that somehow didn't make it to the papers:

Relay hunger strike huge success
BY OUR THEATRE CORRESPONDENT
BIRATNAGAR- Senior party leaders taking part in a nationwide relay hunger strike broke their fast after not eating for two hours to partake of instant noodles Monday as pro-democracy protests escalated across Nepal.

The strikers had vowed to take turns not to eat or drink for two hours each until all their demands were met, and aside from a mild case of ulcers, most completed the fast without any untoward incident. Cumulatively, the leaders spent a total of 3,580 man-hours without food, which is a national record.

Besides the obvious health benefits, the strike was expected to put strong moral pressure on the government-of-the-day to give in to their demand for power distribution to the needy. "Of all the protests so far, this is the most effective," one government source grudgingly admitted. "We just can't bear to see our leaders go hungry. I think we will now give in to their demand."

Gharials genuine Bhutanis?
CHITWAN (RSS) - Two male gharials which were repatriated to Bhutan Tuesday could be eligible for Bhutani citizenship if the Joint Verification Team determines that their ancestors left Bhutan voluntarily, Druk
sources said.

"This proves we are serious about taking our citizens back, but it helps if they are crocodiles," the Bhutani chief of the JVT told RSS.

Split in Birthday Celebration Committee
FROM OUR POLITICALLY-CORRECT REPORTER
SINGHA DARBAR - The 250-member His Majesty's Birthday Celebration Main Committee (HMBCMC) officially split Saturday over ideological differences about how many more sub-committees should be added to oversee the three-day event.

The row broke out after several stalwarts from the HMBCMC-(Rana) found that all the powerful sub-committees had already been given out to cronies of the HMBCMC-(Thapa). Negotiations to head off the dispute went well into the night, but broke down after dissident members from the Rana faction demanded upper berths in the powerful Publicity Sub-committee and the Hydropower Sub-committee.

Effigies refuse to catch fire
BY A STAFF RACONTEUR
KATHMANDU - Effigies of regression used at a rally in Kathmandu refused to catch fire Thursday, and a commission of inquiry has been formed to look into the matter.

Angry arsonists then set fire to Ason. "When you are fighting for freedom no price is too high," a leading torch-bearer said, playing his fiddle. Pro-democracy demonstrators suspect the contractor hired to supply the effigies used substandard non-flammable material.

"Either that or the kerosene used was adulterated," one effigy, who did not want to be identified, said. Effigies had decided to set up an All-Nepal Effigy Solidarity Front since they were getting bored with self-immolation. "I don't understand why we have to be reduced to ashes. Why can't we just be manhandled like everyone else?" the effigy asked rhetorically.

Lack of locks hits nation
BY OUR ECONOMICAL CORRESPONDENT
A dire shortage of padlocks in the Nepali domestic market has created a multiplier effect in the national economy with several planned lockouts of educational institutions having to be suspended this week.

National strategic stockpiles of locks ran dangerously low after a surge in demand from political unions this week and efforts were afoot to rush in emergency supplies from friendly neighbours India and China.

"It is incumbent upon us as citizens of a country with adults-only franchise to keep democracy vibrating by exercising our right to lock this whole place down."

Pen-down strike
BUREAU REPORTS
KOPUNDOLE - A 15-party alliance of journalist unions has decided to stage an indefinite pen-down strike until their demands are met.

"We don't know what our 108-point demands are yet, but let me assure you that we will not budge an inch and we will not be responsible for the consequences if they are not met," said one union leader.

Asked if the pen-down strike would prevent journalists from physically participating in the Signature Campaign on Royal Property, the senior editor said: "We'll use our thumb prints." However, a faction of the All-Nepal Federation of Self-styled Satirists and Insufferable Comedians has decided not to join the strike since they are registered under the Essential Services Act.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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