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BP Koirala worries about Ganesh Man Singh in the next cell, and wonders how he is faring. He also analyses his comrade-in-arms and pays tribute to Ganesh Man's tenacity, conviction and commitment to the cause. Since both are now in solitary confinement, BP rues: 'Now I have no one to discuss my ideas with." There are continuous worries about BP's health, he coughs blood and a doctor is brought in.

7 April, 1977
Sundarijal

I don't know how GM is passing his time in the next jail. He has no books except one Nepali to Nepali dictionary. He is perhaps writing. He sent for some paper clips and pins from me. It think he has a.of fullscape size paper and a dot pen with a refill. When he was being taken away he was told by the officer that he would be brought back again to his jail to be lodged with me after a week or so. And he even suggested that he could leave his things which he won't need for a few days urgently. Hence GM's suitcase, a handbag, and bedding, hold all and some dolai are left in his room here. But the kind of arrangement that has been made for them in the new jail specially constructed for him in a record time doesn't suggest that he has been taken away only for a short duration.

I miss him a great deal. He is not very pleasurable company because he is too strongly self-willed, which not a very endearing qualification of companionship, and he tried to impress his style of life on others. But he is a man of sterling quality. He is absolutely free from any superiority complex, is not embarrassed to do manual work if occasion demanded. Of late he has given up considerably using strong language against his opponents and has considerably softened in his rigid political stand. He has been a source of a great political strength to me. He is totally identified with my line. He has one great quality, he takes long to be convinced, but once he is convinced you can depend on him to adhere to it to the end. In the beginning, he was not convinced of the reasoning of our present political line, but once he was convinced, he hasn't shown any sign of wavering. As a matter of fact, even when I am sometimes assailed with doubts, he remains firm in his conviction. The govt has deprived me of his company and now I have nobody to discuss my ideas with. I don't think he will be bought back here to rejoin me. I hope and pray that GM will be all right.

I am feeling lonely today. In the afternoon there was no electricity, hence I couldn't prepare my tea. I prepare my tea-altho it is only for me-and that too to be taken in loneliness. I prepare with some elaboration-like how Mahabir does things. Since I can't prepare the afternoon tea for there was no electricity, I suffered from a sense of worklessness and the time hung more heavily with me. I spent the day with extreme boredom and loneliness.

8 April
Sundarijal


Dr Bhattarai: my BP: 136/82. The morning cough that I brought out was staurated with blood. About more than a month ago I had persistent cough and for sometime every morning my sputum contained blood-not traces of it but full of it. It was sent for culture, but the report that was sent to me said that no pathogen was detected. I took Avil cough expectorant prescribed by Dr Vaish of BHU which gave me relief and the cough subsided. This morning again the blood is seen in the sputum, I have kept it for the doctor to see it. I have asked the major to get me a doctor soon. I don't know how soon he will come. I am worried. I am fully conscious that health is the most precious thing in prison and I have been careful about it. But no care seems to avail. This is what is worrying me-and I think worry aggravates the illness. I shouldn't be suffering from serious illness, because the thorough health checkup I had gone through in Varanasi was reassuring. When I came here I was in perfectly good health, and I have no reason to expect a foul play and the doctors are available tho they come tardily, not promptly when we want. That is why I feel that physically I am not affected with any serious trouble. The trouble is mostly mental-which is due to the most unnatural condition of prison life.

I do a little bit of writing and reading but there is no joy in the exercise. Therefore I drag myself through the exercise of study. The diary pages are full of commonplace read of my insignificant mental state-and the records are repetitive. This is an indication of the determination of my mind. I hope it is temporary, as I think my physical illness is of no serious kind.

Dr Bhattarai came to me. He examined me thoroughly which is his usual practice-had brought cardiograph machine also. He saw my sputum which he took with him for culture. He appeared to be a little concerned about that. He was also a little concerned about the shooting pain that I had about 14 days ago in the liver region. He was inquiring if the pain remained located there itself of it radiated. That I had similar pain about a month ago appeared to have some significance in the determination of my trouble. I had expected Basnet to come-he is more friendly, but Bhattarai as a doctor is more reassuring.



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