Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Doing Mr Zedong proud

ASS


With India getting ready to raise the price of petroleum again next week, it may behoove the union of nine student unions here to save everyone the trouble and wait for the next fuel price hike in Nepal, and bundle all the bunds into a big fat combo strike before Dasain instead of these piecemeal shutdowns. The students can't even be trusted to organise a proper hurt-all. First, they announced it would be on Sunday, and abruptly changed the date to honour National Hero BP Koirala, throwing all our plans haywire. Then they said it would be dawn-to-dusk on Wednesday, and changed their minds again to say it would only be from 6am to 12 noon. Then Ram Raja, Nepal's pioneer bombardier breathed his last, and the bund was reduced to 6am to 10am to honour the memory of the departed soul. Dudes, get serious. How can you run the country when you grow up if you can't even shut the country down?

***

The students have a lot to learn about the art of mayhem, and should take inspiration from the employee's union at Greenwich Hotel which, in a list of 17 demands to management this week wanted all employees serving more than 20 years be given medals containing one kilogram of gold each. That will be one helluva medal, and begs the question how the staff in the autumn of their lives intend to wear it around their necks. Besides, with the price of gold bullion this week crossing Rs 170,000 an ounce, and given that there are 25 employees who have served over 20 years, the hotel management will have to fork out $2 million to make 24 carat gold medals.

***

So the Americans lifted the terrorist tag on the Baddies the very week that they (the Mau Mau) decided to let bygones be bygones and pardon themselves for all wartime atrocities. There is speculation about whether it is the Bracket Baddies, the Hypen Baddies or the Matrika Baddies that the folks out in Foggy Bottom decided are now not really terrorists after all. None of the three groups that swear by Mr Zedong have publicly renounced violence, and one wonders whether the Americans know something we don't. The Bracket comrades have called for a bund on Friday which they have warned will be "enforced strictly to make it a grand success" which is a euphemism for setting fire to motorcycles that dare to go out into the streets, vandalising unarmed taxis, and generally smashing anything that moves. The Hyphen comrades, not to be outdone, greeted the lifting of the terror tag by wrecking the bus of Delhi Public School in Dharan on Monday for defying their extortion demand, and admitted to the vandalism saying the school had an "Indian name". Guess the Kirkpatrick Doctrine is still in force: 'We don't care if they are sonsofbitches as long as they are our sonsofbitches.'

***

So it seems the Euro envoys were given the runaround by the Farang Ministry, which forwarded their request to meet the Prez about the TRC bill to Shitall Nibas. But when Xenophobic Minister Kame Kazi found out, he gave his bureaucrats a tongue lashing. The media was summoned to publish a leak that the ministry had told the Europeans off, while the minister himself was reassuring the ambassadors that there was no problem. The Enigmatic Qazi, meanwhile, slyly got the Cabinet to reimburse him Rs 3.5 million in tax payers' cash for his spinal treatment in Japan.

***

The govt in its infinite wisdom has almost decided to go for a five-day week and give Sundays off in order to reduce the demand for electricity, and shorten load-shedding to 12 hours a day in winter. Um, tell me how this works: Govt wants to reduce power cuts so we can have electricity to work, but wants us not to work on Sundays to save electricity. Besides, how is 15 million Nepalis staying home on Sundays to watch Hindi teleserials going to save electricity? The only way to completely remove load-shedding is to give everyone a three-month vacation.

***

The final irony this week was that Baidya Kaka came to see Prime Minister Baburam ("I'm Not In Charge") Bhattarai in Singha Darbar and delivered to him a 70pt ultimatum at the exact spot where BRB himself had delivered a 40pt demand to Prime Minister Brave Lion in February 1996. Com Laldhoj must have felt a familiar sense of dťjŗ vu, especially when he saw that many of the demands were actually ones he himself crafted 16 years ago: ban Bollywood movies, stop Indian cars' entry into Nepal, recapture Kalapani, etc. A gold medal coming right up for Baidya Kamred.



1. who cares
".....  management this week wanted all employees serving more than 20 years be given medals containing one kilogram of gold each. ..."

- it turned out to be the one of the most foolish ideas to invest in health care rather than development. 





" ............. Americans lifted the terrorist tag... "

- not just commies, they also lifted the tag of alciada in syria. what can i say, they and their allies can launder money to alciada but weak countries are being bullied for becoming possible hub of money laundering. 





" .... Bhattarai in Singha Darbar and delivered to him a 70pt ultimatum at the exact spot where agent terrorist BRB himself had delivered a 40pt demand to Prime Minister Brave Lion in February 1996. Com Laldh............. "

- can't believe ASS missed the great respond of agent terrorist bhatterai "i am not going to fulfill their demands which are meant to be for publicity stunt".

so agent terrorist bhatterai, agent terrorist puspa and terrorist baidya killed 18k nepalese just cause shere bahadur did not fulfill their 40pts demand  which were meant for publicity stunt. 





2. The one who cannot be named.
Smart Ass.. i am the super fan of yours ! You are amazing with words and irony ... awesome! :D Keep up the good work... :D


3. sunil sharma
Hey  Ass -  is there any media company in Nepal that is free or independent from political masters that control an order what is fit to print or not. I wonder about this,  keeps me up at night you know.  Who owns NT and how independent is NT. The reason for this question is that none of media has displayed any guts to call the spade a spade, can you catch that drift. All politicals leaders in Nepal today are criminals. Period. Yet they are put on pedestal and their pictures flashed in TV and newspapaers. If you not against then you are for. A disguting, dishonourable, a proven criminal man like Dahal, who loves scotch whiskey and white women,  calls the shots. The shamless Bhattrai is clinging to power like a leech. NC has Indian slaves and so does the UML.  Uprendra Y and Mahant T - lick Indian boots at the Embassy in Lainchaur. If any would have the guts to expose and write this, then Nepalis could read the writings on the wall. Do your job as leader in the Press and do something good for Nepal.  Enough jokes. Nixon went down because of two gutsy reporters. Remember that !  

4. The one who cannot be named.
@Sunil Sharma - Boss, why don't u start from here ? u can do a great job removing the veils.. 

5. Harey Ram
@ Sunil Sharma - Agree with 4. Waiting for you to start the work. And do report somewhere. Would be wonderful reading.#next_pages_container { width: 5px; hight: 5px; position: absolute; top: -100px; left: -100px; z-index: 2147483647 !important; }


6. Flexible 1
1 kg of rice to the person who rids us of Bhatterai, Yummi, Awesome  .......

7. Chirikaji
Baidya Kaka will not be food with salt imported from India now onwards.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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