Nepali Times Asian Paints
Corruption in the time of cholera


Yarsa prices soared this year not because of the harvest shortfall but because of the higher-than-usual demand from China. Apparently the active ingredient that gives the caterpillar fungus performance-enhancing qualities is an alkaloid that is non-detectable in drug tests for sports competitors. Which should set lightbulbs flashing at the Nepal Olympic Committee: if we could ban yarsa exports and raise our athletes solely on a diet of yarsagumba for the next four years we should surely win some golds in the marathon and weight-lifting categories in the Rio Olympics.


After spending corrodes on voter education, the Erection Commission appears not to have had much success with educating our politicians to register themselves into the voter's list. Politicos who still don't have voter IDs and couldn't be bothered about casting their ballots in the next election include such democracy stalwarts as Jhusil Da and Johnny-come-lately Sitaula, Gutch, Pashu Some Share, and our very own Prime Minister Chubby Lal Baje. Guess they are only interested in getting elected, not in actually casting a vote.


To compare Firanghi Minister Kaji Naran Kamred to a leopard would be to grossly underestimate his ability to change his spots. He has lately done a complete U-turn and gone off on an India-bashing spree to become a bit of a pain in the backside for BB as well as Chairman Lotus Eater. At the recent Baddie plenum, Kamred Kame-Kazi showed signs of being afflicted with foot-in-mouth disease, he just couldn't keep his trap shut. He was trying to outdo Baidya Ba's line on Dilli, and then went straight off to tell hacks at the Otter's Club that he would get BIPPA scrapped. Guess who showed up at the Hilltop the next morning?

Things still continue to reverberate from the Baddie Plenum at Bhrikuti Mundup where the comrades turned furniture into missiles. All this has raised eyebrows across the political spectrum about the Qazi's newfound assertiveness. The most sensational thing this guy ever did was get a hair transplant and an expensive tooth job, while the rest of his comrades were underground fighting a war. Now, the Farang Minister has suddenly gone off on warpath against Nepal's donors and INGOs. The question is whether he is doing so to expand his turf and pocket his cut, or is he just carrying out orders from the High Command.


The grovelling coalition's banning spree continues. They started off with banning drinking and driving and smoking in public places, then they made us the laughing stock of the world by banning all individual trekking. Now, women below 30 are banned from going to work in the Gulf. Now, they have banned disruptions of essential services for six months: which means what, that they have banned load-shedding, dry taps and diesel shortages? The cabinet has become so prohibitionist that any problem that crops up, they immediately announce a knee-jerk ban. What next, a ban on cholera outbreaks? Or ban Ban from coming to Lumbini?


Khum Budder may have been corrupt two decades ago, but reading the Supremo Court's verdict against the defendant made many laugh: the ex-minister apparently misappropriated the piddly sum of 90 lack roops. It does look like the pot calling the kettle an African-American when incumbent ministers today rake in nothing less than corrodes of dollars. In the old days ministers used to take their cuts, today they just thrust their hands into the treasury and grab what they can. Earlier, they used to be satisfied with their 10% from hydropower contractors, today they award hydropower contracts to themselves which they have over-invoiced by 100%. The question in everyone's mind is: do we have to wait another 20 years for today's crooks to get behind bars? Anyway, Khoom doesn't seem to be that worried about spending 1.5 years in his cell, he is just wondering if there is wifi.


Comrade Awesome has once more tried to take everyone for a ride to play identity politics. He has formed a federalist front, as if anyone is against federalism. His grand design of luring janajati figures from the UML to his party backfired with janajati leaders opting out of the NGO-sounding Social Democratic Pluri-Nationalists. They probably got turned off after googling the word 'pluri' and finding that it is a medical term used to describe ominous-sounding medical conditions like: 'pluri-centric blastoma' and 'pluri-glandular secretions'.

1. Hemant
Nepali Congress full of  corruption and corrupted, same as Indian Congress, one corruption scandal after another, how can corrupted men perfrom acts of sacrifice for the nation when all they do is loot. Nepal is doomed for corruption is a way of life now, its not shameful anymore to be corrupted. Nepalis are fools  to have liars and looters as their leaders.

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)