Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
New constipation by August

ASS


It was Marx (Groucho, not Karl) who once said: "If you come to a fork on the road, take it". And being a true blue Marxist, Prime Minister Baburam Bhattarai has done just that. Ignoring the Supreme Court's stipulation that there would be no more extensions, he got his attorney, General Mukti, to advise him on how the cabinet could pass another teensy weensy little postponement of the CA deadline. Comrade Godawful, of course, helped by egging NEFIN to create mayhem on the streets. Now, the Supreme Court has told the Supremo to finish the constitution by Sunday, or else ...

The folks down in Sindhuli have the right idea. With no jobs going around, there was intense competition among the political parties to fill a vacancy at the district post office. The local party leaders started putting so much pressure on the post office chief that last week he announced a race, and whoever came first would get the job. Well, it's not an original idea, that is how the ancient kings of Gorkha were chosen by making potential candidates run a marathon at Liglig. Why not revive this grand tradition to also chose the next prime minister to replace BRB. That would rule out anyone whose name has the word 'Ram' in it.

Bunds are not what they used to be. There was a time when hartals were hardcore, nothing moved. There was no time limit, and even bicycles were not spared. These days there are all kinds of exceptions, and the rule of thumb seems to be "three wheels good, four wheels (and two) bad". Which is why aeroplanes fly unhindered, except if you are stranded in Dhangadi, rickshaws are allowed to ply, but cars and motorcycles are not. And these days bunds are strictly 9-5, probably because the hired goons demand overtime to burn tyres after office hours. Saturday, being a day of rest, is also exempt from bunds. How are we ever going to attain ethnic federalism if we are so lazy and lax about enforcing bunds?

Remember the fracas over the minister in the JN Khanal cabinet who had to step down after it was found out he was a free-Tibet activist and had three nationalities? Well, there may be a similar scandal over the appointment of one Ek Dhakal, the sole CA member from the Family Party. Yes, there is such a thing, if you don't believe me google him. This is the same Mr Ek-Dui-Tin who organised that controversial visit by the vice-prez Paramanand to go to South Korea on a junket sponsored by the Unification Church. Well, it turns out the new minister, who hasn't been assigned a portfolio till press time, is a Moonie himself. He is a follower of Sun Myung, not Ban Ki, and should be made Minister for Proselytisation Affairs.

One of the hardest questions the judges asked Miss Nepal contestants at the Annapurna Hotel during the recent pageant was: "What makes a person a genius?" It is a sign of the times that the lass who answered "You have to be indigenius" got the most applause.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. The Rautes want the forests of northern Chitwan declared Rauteland, the gold digging Sonahas want rivers to be declared their zone, Marwaris want a non-territorial Mewar state. Also, Nepali Sikhs do not want to be lumped with Madhesis. Why not declare Kopundole a Sikh Autonomous Province? And the people of Okharpauwa in Nuwakot which happens to lie in the future Tamsaling Province have refused to let KMC dump the Valley's garbage in its landfill site anymore, despite past agreements. They sent the entire stinking fleet of trash trucks back to the 'Newa Rajya' and said, "We don't want your do-do."

Queen Liz the Second invited a whole lot of kings, queens and emperors for her diamond jubilee lunch at Windsor Castle recently. All the world's monarchs were there, including ex-kings of Greece and Bulgaria and Yugoslavia. We have it on good authority that KingG waited till the last mom for the invite, which never came. Even the Crown Prince of Yugoslavia was invited though that country ceased to exist 10 years ago, and was a republic for 60 years before that. Ouch, that must have hurt.



1. who cares
ass missed the main ass news of the century:

madhav nepal explained agent puspa, "i did not call you thief, dacoit, liar, terrorist, drunk, tobacco sucker, fat, ugly, dumb, phony, agent, indian agent, sita ko logne, prakash ko bau, weak ... "


2. who cares
how to save nepal from ethnic disintegration, ethnic civil war??

by forming individual ethnic nationalist fronts- newa rastrabadi front, limbuwan nationalist front, tharu nationalist front etc- whose goal should be united nepal, ending ethnic based politics, ethnic division.

there should be umbrella org of those fronts too.

later after the goal is achieved, these fronts should be merged.

this not only saves nepal by bringing in nationalists from all ethnic but also promotes leaders from ethnic.

but this need large invest. and i say china should donate in billions and provide moral support.

SAVING NEPAL SAVES CHINA.



3. Mahesh Kunwar

The Nepali politics is a bad dream, actually a nightmare that never stops. Pushpa Dahal has no love for Nepal or Nepalis. This goon has killed Nepalis, looted the welath of Nepal and now is dividing the country in little pieces so he can become the President. All there is left to say is that we are suckers when it comes to Dahal. But ASS, just think for 1 second,  why does 1 man weild that much influence in Nepal. Ass - we are counting on you to expose this corrupt man for who he is, a slave of India, gutless,  shame less man, traitor of Nepal, enemy of Nepal and most of all a lying and cheating thug. How can Nepal move forward with such an example of disgrace. Its a curse that Maoist have power in Nepal for the Maoist are the down fall of Nepal.    



4. Harry Subba
present leaders the more powerful they are projected so far have turned outdone BAGARES . (butchers).The greatest by far is the rank of Prachanda,theamir the butcher ,the supreme. He deserves the sole title of the BAGARES,theSupreme.

5. who cares
die CA die,

are we saved? more likely.


6. who cares
who failed CA?

for last 4 yr its maoist who failed CA, and at the last moment, ethnic gang failed it.

i'll never know why supporters of ethnic federal opposed 11state restructuring?

are they dumb? or they are worried that if constitution is drafted, their cows will stop giving milk. 



7. who cares
can ass and ass' beloved prajas imagine the probable scene occurred during those last minutes before the end of CA (12am) somewhere in pm's residence, gathering of agent bhatteria, agent puspa, their pet lawyers and some indians?



agent bhatterai must have put forward a question, how could we keep on staying in power even after CA is dead and keep looting dumb nepalese?

- some pet lawyer must have suggested, declare reelection of CA and turn yourself the caretaker govt. with a mission. since you have the authority to declare election- someone said so.


-then someone questions his authority, after CA is dead, pm will be dead too since pm has to be a member of CA.
in this case also, there can be another pm since there will be no one left who is a member of CA.

(in this case president has to appoint someone who is supported by all parties if not then appoint the latest ex-chief judge as a caretaker).




- then there comes a suggestion, declare CA reelection a few minutes before 12PM.


(you all may have heard that over smart ass keeps on falling into their own trap through our their life, just like agent bhatterai has been and this is the latest one.

why i dont understand is why do idiots like maoist, commies, dictators always choose pets as adviser rather than someone with ability.)



--- according to maoist's word, CA is something that happens once in a life time of a nation. CA is people's elected body, the most powerful body in nepal. 

and no one has right to dissolve it except for itself and through the law passed by it and even executive head does not have authority to dissolve it rather CA is the one appoints executive head.



tell me something, is not it, declaring reelection of CA- the most powerful body, elected by people- when CA is still alive and working on to draft a constitution of a nation, is conspiracy against CA and a treason?

so will this move of dumb agent bahun send him to a tiny dark cell of nepal army as a punishment for committing treason against nepalese, nepalese's dream of making constitution through CA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








8. Krishna S.
Now that the Grand Finale is over, with more to come in the next episode, Can you all in the media please focus on something else? How about the water crisis of this Shitmandu? Electricity Anybody?? Can you at least convince people that, like, in this, like, 21st century, Electricity is ,like, IMPORTANT???
Screw this Grand Soap Opera and all of it's actors. It has become too boring! Or else masses might also turn into these paranoid zombies that we see in these pages too often!


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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