Nepali Times Asian Paints
ASS
Backside
Kaun banega PM?

ASS


Before Nepal even existed as a nation state, the rajahs of Gorkha used to choose a new king by making candidates run a marathon at a place called Liglig. As the race for PM gets underway, it may be time to revive this ancient custom and get RCP and BRB run the race from the CA building to Singha Darbar. After all the custom originated in their neck of the woods. There could be a slight change so the contestant who can hold his breath for longer becomes PM because his opponent will have died. So, who will be the first to breathe his last?

***

If that doesn't work we will have to fall back on the simple arithmetic of parliament to elect a PM. Let's sum it up: a new coalition needs 297 votes out of the 594 CA members to form the govt. The Baddies have 237, and they need 60 more for which they have zeroed in this time on the Madhesis since they have burnt their bridges with fellow commies in the UML. Being kingmakers, the Madhesis are bargaining hard, and promising full support in return for juicy ministries. The Maoists have even dangled carrots in front of the
TMLP. Meanwhile, RCP only needs NC and UML support to get him to the finishing line. The Mao-buddies have this time sent emissaries Mahara and Ram Karki to lobby the Dilli Durbar that BRB is their man for PM, and to lean on the Madhesis to reach 297 in CA voting. They must have given up on Lainchour which is exhorting kangresis at nocturnal booze-ups to get off their butts and start kicking some Baddie ass.

***

Poor Chairman Awesome, he is missing the limelight and to get back in the headlines has come out with the breakthrough package he should have proposed two years ago. But one shouldn't underestimate Chhabilal Baje's cunning and penchant for back-stabbing. After getting some tough talk from Samrat, who he always thought was his comrade-in-arms, as well as the stern message Mahara ComeRed brought back from Delhi, he has decided that for now he can't prevent his nemesis Laldhoj from being PM. He probably thinks he can always make BRB's life hell in Baluwa Water later. There has also been a rift among hardline followers of Chairman Ferociousness between moderate hardliners and harder hardliners. The moderates were of the view that the party should try to salvage the peace process by pushing through the integration package in return for PMship for BRB. So, don't write off a consensus govt under BRB just yet because the Doc is one single-minded comrade.

***

It now transpires that PKD's frequent forays to Hong Kong and Malaysia were not to meet APCEF at all. In fact, APCEF was an elaborate decoy to camouflage Lotus Flower's secret meetings with his Godfather-cum-handler during the war years when he lived in Noida. So while we all thought the Chairman was meeting the Chinese, he was getting fresh instructions from the Indians. Clever. Party insiders now think the Lumbini project has damaged the Chinese most of all, and this worked brilliantly as a smokescreen for PKD's frequent junkets out east.

***

The talk of the town, or at least of the media circles this week was the charm offensive that Chairman Supercalifragislistic unleashed on some senior editors (including at least two he'd threatened to "straighten out") at the Pistachio Palace on Wednesday. No, Comrade Donkey wasn't invited. But the Mule's mole tell us Awesome went all touchy feely and confessional, admitting to having made major blunders during his tenure as PM. The guy deserves an Oscar for nearly shedding a tear or two when lamenting that this was because, having come straight from the jungle, he didn't yet know the ways of "parliamentary politics".

Lotus Flower said he made three Big Mistakes: sacking General Cut All, resigning from PMship in May 2009 and angering the Indians. If he had to do it all over again, he said, he'd do it differently. But he asked the hacks present to understand that he was under tremendous pressure from Kiranji @ Co. But you have to give it to the man for strategic timing, he spills these beans on the day before the new Indian ambassador arrives. And then announces the new integration package in exchange for heading the govt.

***

Whatever chances Lion Brave still had to be PM have vanished into thin air. Not known for high wattage in the cerebral dept, SBD showed his true character by promising his Baddie mentors integration of as many as 12,000 fighters into the national army in return for an endorsement of hsi PMship. Further, he assured his UML backers of choice ministries after his cronies had a first stab at them. He also went around telling everyone he had turned a new leaf and was on the wagon. He is so desperate he has a fulltime astrologer and has new amulets on his fingers.

***

Bottled water manufacturers seem to be cashing in on the prime ministerial race by naming their latest brand "PM". Unless it is a short form for "post-mortem".



1. Sharanhari Dukulanthak
Lion Brave trying to compensate high wattage deficit of  in the cerebral department by bringing in celestial intervention through a full-time as(s)strologer, a brilliant strategy indeed! Jay Gaanatantra!!


2. Birendra Bahadur Basnet

Only in Nepal, a disgusting traitor like S B D gets a chance ( however remote ), to dream once again to be the P M.  This traitor needs to jailed for looting the coffers of Nepal as well as squandering the Nepali resources.  S B D wants to buy the post of PM by selling Nepal.  This guy had the largest cabinet and ministers without portfolio on tax payers money. He should be slapped in public like J N K, and made to wear a garland of shoes. 



3. CT
What happens if BRB gets the extra 60 votes and RMC gets the UML votes? Who will become the next PM?

4. ASP
u know what, i'm waiting until the chowdhury group starts rolling out bottled balu water with a trade name 'pms'.

cuz i'm so looking forward to seeing a dahal as nepal's pry minister.

where is baby girl dahal = nani maiya dahal? 

the country needs her.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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