Having recently been an involuntary participant in this unique form of anticipatory tourism, the Donk would like to share with readers the huge potential we have to increase our nation's GDP growth by forcing visitors to spend extra involuntary bed-nights in Lukla during Nepal Tourism Year 2011. Indeed, we can make more money by holding people in Lukla and other mountain airports than from regular tourism. Here is how:
1. Some people have described the Rs 500 packet of Wai-wai and Rs 1,000 for dal bhat they had to pay while it rained in Lukla as 'price gouging'. The Ass would not put it so crudely, let's just call it premium pricing. It's a demand-supply thing, there is more demand because 3,000 trekkers have been waiting for flights home for a week, so the price goes up. Naturally, Nepal.
2. First Pay First Fly. This unique upgrading system practiced by domestic airlines allows those without confirmed seats to be bumped up onto the first flight out for a fixed underhand fee (like $300 or so) by bumping off someone else with a confirmed seat. This Special Upgrade Service is officially sanctioned by the Tourism for Poverty Reduction Project.
3. If there are just too many angry tourists who have waited more than a week and fist fights have started breaking out in the 'departure lunge', the government will send in army choppers to Lukla to restore law and order, but only if there are enough passengers willing to pay through their noses to be ferried to Gauchar.
4. Trekkers who have over-stayed their visas because of weather delays in Lukla will be fined on departure at KTM airport immigration as part of our national effort to maximise earnings from the tourism industry.
5. Word-of-mouth transmission by visitors who have experienced the Lukla Layover will generate more interest worldwide for those eager to go through a similar adventure, as well as ensure repeat visitors among those interested in inflicting pain and misery on themselves.
It's interesting that every time the infighting within his party looks like it is heading for binary fission, Chairman Supersonic suddenly starts giving speeches about the unity of all of Nepal's 23 commie parties. Having
to deal with Com Buy-dia on one hand and Com Doc on the other must really be giving the Bossman heartburn because last week he once more held forth in Kirtipur about merging with UML. We've just done a back of the envelope calculation and figured out that if all the 13 Maoist provincial councils, four state councils, the 20 or so class organisations as well as the Akhil Wimmin, Revolutionary Trade Union and Kranticurry Students were to be split three ways, Paris Danda would have to deal with 135 different extra organisations. Maybe that is why the internal Bautick Carbuys have started. If that's the case, may as well split the party into three and get it over with. PKD can always reunite 'em later.
Just some breaking news on last week's Asstalk on why PKD did a sudden About Turn by switching Com Mahara's portfolio from phoren to telecom. Looks like it was all part of a Top-Secret Plan because the minister has
since appointed a trusted left-hand man as the CEO of Nepal Telecom. Apparently the appointment was hurriedly consummated while the info sec was away on an ITU shindig and there are even rumours of 20 million smackeroos going to the party coffers in return for the appointment with assurances of future kickbacks from purchases of generators and photovoltaic back-up for base stations from a certain company from a neighbour country the name of which starts with 'C'.
Noo-clear city, GUFFADI