Nepali Times
Everything's gonna be alright


The Donk isn't someone who counts chicks before they hatch, but as 2010 draws to a close I detect strong vibes that this country is headed for better times. There is a new dawn at the end of the tunnel, and a land of milk and honey (and electricity) awaits us on the other side. So what if we are chasing away foreign investors by putting a gun to their heads? It doesn't matter that power-cuts are soon going to total 74 hours a week.

Who cares that we still don't have a govt? Forget all that. The reason for my cheerfulness this new year's eve is that there are so many liquor ads in this paper.

Oh yes, and also the news that crude oil has been discovered in Dang and uranium in Mustang. No longer can other countries (especially our neighbours) kick our collective ass. We will have oil, and if they don't treat us with respect we will develop weapons-grade plutonium, rig them up into warheads, and become a rogue state. It's much more exciting than being a failed state.


Even by the extremely high standards of absurd behaviour that the rulers of this country are wont to indulge in, last Friday's bunned was the weirdest this Ass has ever witnessed in its hard-knock life. This is what happened: two boys from rival student unions got into a fight in a micro over a girl. Their unions are affiliated to the two main parties in the ruling coalition, the kangresis and the eh-maleys. The NC guy radios for reinforcements and stabs the UML chappie in broad daylight. The UML calls in the marines and slashes NC fellows with khukris. The UML-affiliated union threatens a bund and starts putting pressure on the Homework Minister to arrest kangresi knife-wielders. So, the student union that is the fratricidal organisation of the home and prime minister's ruling party brings the capital to a standstill by terrorising anyone who dares venture into the streets. That's one way of ensuring no one flirts with your girl, that's for sure. This is the party that doesn't get tired of accusing the Baddies of wrecking the country with its hurt-alls. The Ass' assessment is that there is no point blaming the ruling party for not being able to rule the country. How can they? Poor guys, even their own student wing doesn't listen to them.


The reason politics is stuck is because the politicians all cancel each other out. The man most desperate to be PM is Jhallu Babu, but the guy whose support he needs (Maximum Leader Chairman Ferocious) wants the job for himself. RCP could be the compromise candidate, but he has been cancelled out by PKD hinting to Lion Brave that he will make him PM. But Unserer Fuhrer has his own in-house problems as his effort to have Laldhoj censured for WikiLeaks has been outvoted. The long and short of it is that we shouldn't expect any breakthrough on Sunday, and it is likely that Macoonay will outlast winter.


Heard at the Army Party Palace the other day that the Rajabaddies are ticked off that all the energy they invested in public relations work by bringing the Para Commando back from Singapore to tour the temples has come to naught due to his high-profile attempt to hunt Koirala in-laws in Chitwan. Despite the attempt at damage control to divert the attention to the none-too-savoury Rubel Bhai, the perception of a trigger happy ex-crown prince has stuck. Daddy was also not very happy because the whole episode set back his behind-the-scenes maneuvers to regurgitate the monarchy. The only bright idea comes from Himani Nani, who is sending hubby to Halesi to take a holy oath to go on the wagon.


The Nepal Electricity Authoritarian union was having its general convention at the Shitty Hall the other day. On the stage was powerless minister Andhakar Sharan Mahat, Jhusil Koirala and union honchos.

The NEA chief had just got to the mike to explain that the lack of rain meant river levels were down when the lights went off. Standing ovation, hooting, laughter and general pandemonium in the darkness. For an hour the generator couldn't be turned on. The mike was dead, but this didn't stop the endless speeches that no one could hear over the din.

1. who cares
We will have oil, and if they don't treat us with respect we will develop weapons-grade plutonium, rig them up into warheads, and become a rogue state. It's much more exciting than being a failed state.


those student unions of nc, uml have always been criminal gangs............ its only the entry of maoist student union that made them look better. 

somebody fill their asses.

sher bahadur is one of the major problem for democratic republic,,,,, its good for the country and democracy that he too is behaving like jhallu ram.

ps: someone from NT should fix the software, why the font, paragraph separation change automatically?

2. who cares
every sector in nepal is ran/managed by ass: 

why are not they displaying flags representing all the countries during tourism year 2011? why only nepalese flag? 

i wonder where they (who dont know the basics of promotion) have been poring all the budget?

3. Tara Lamshar
Looks like our dear Ass needs to visit a real doctor (not the types of our Deputy PMs) - he seems to be rapidly losing out in his reporting? I suggest a neuro-doctor.

4. ramesh
#3 Tara Lamshar, I also think that Mr Ass is losing his head or behind" Just read this sentence: "..damage control to divert the attention to the none-too-savoury Rubel Bhai,"?  I can't believe that ASS has written this linking the two in one sentence. 

In Nepal, if someone criticizes the parties and their incompetence they automatically become  Rajabadis.  If someone criticizes Rajabadi, then they automatically become Lokatantrabadi.   I thought Mr. Ass (Kunda) knew better than that.  Mr. Ass, Rubel story is more than a diversion story.  There is much to that guy's activities.   You are not being very honest/objective here...  Did Suzie  give you a call to back off after your last column?   

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)