Nepali Times Asian Paints
ASS
Backside
350 days for new constitution

ASS


Fifteen days after the breakthrough 3-point agreement between the 3 leaders of the 3 parties it is now clear that none of the 3 meant a word they said. The only reason they agreed to agree was because all 3 needed a CA extension: the NC and UML because it was too embarrassing to let it lapse and the Baddies because it is such an important source of money for the party. Which is also why the comrades don't want to disband the cantonments because they make billions from the monthly Rs 3,000 levy on each of the 19,000 or so ex-ladakoos, and get to sell off donor-funded clothing and other paraphernalia at the Hong Kong market. So, the clocks have been reset and the new countdown is 350 days to go for D-Day.

***

You know the country is back to normal when the only news in the national broadshits is about who met whom and where. So, KPO met JNK, PKD met RCP, BRB secretly met MKN at a top secret hideaway, the NC all met in Lainchaur but KPS was missing, and so on and so forth. In fact, the BRB and MKN meeting was so secret that the hound dogs of the Nepali investigative journalism fraternity still hasn't sniffed out where they met. All we know
is that they didn't meet in Comrade Maharjan's living room in Kumaripati.

Information about these top secret meetings are divulged to the press in off-the-record leaks that are all part of the psywar arsenal designed to keep rivals guessing about alliances and counter-alliances.

***

Chairman Bhayanak was so spooked by the gunfire at the Pistachio Palace last week that he doesn't believe even his own party's official explanation that it was caused by the "accidental discharge of an automatic weapon". PKD is now so paranoid about security that Sindhupalchok APF had to send two pickups full of Sasastras to guard him to Melamchi and back. All this comes at a time when Com Awe-inspiring is getting more and more suspicious about BRB, especially after he heard from usually reliable sources that his Ideologue-in-chief met Makunay to tell him to stay put and not resign now. Which is why Chairman Supremacist is promoting Com Cloudy and Com Krishna as alternatives to himself as PM.

Laldhoj's newfound confidence comes from the fact that all four PLA commanders are backing him, and in fact Gen Pasang is so ticked off with PKD for not including him in the integration committee that he has gone off into a deep sulk. So the long and short of it is that Macoonay will continue to be PM because the other parties can't decide within themselves who should replace him.

***

We knew that sooner or later the criminal warlordism within the Baddie movement was going to end up in incidents like the murder of Ram Hari Shrestha and the kidnapping of Bhaktaman Shrestha. The Chitwan comrades seemed to be aware that the Good Doc was skimming off moolah from local fundraising, and the abduction was staged to shake him down. When Nagarik exposed the link to Cloudy, Chitwan pyromaniacs set fire to the newspaper's van. Then, to extricate themselves, they pinned the blame on a non-existent Hindu group. This was such implausible disinformation that not even comrades in the party hierarchy believed it, and said so in public. The Maoists and Royalists really have a lot in common: they can't even come up with a believable fall guy, and both think they can fool all the people all the time.

***

It looks like the Asian ambassadors have finally had enough and diplomatically reminded their Euro counterparts last week about which continent they were in, and that if they love communism so much how about staging revolutions in their own countries? This is probably the only place on the planet where the South and North Korean envoys are on the same wavelength. The cocktail circuit is also abuzz with rumours of the Everest Marathon organisers snubbing a brown Hindu ambassador during the awards ceremony in Namche while going out of their way to schmooze with a tall blonde beefeater.

***

The trend of turning down awards is spreading. Now it's Kollywood celebrities who have refused to take the Maoist-dominated National Film Bored's annual awards, the NOSCARS, even before they have been announced.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com

READ ALSO:
GOOOOAAAAL?
Life support, Publisher's note
The intellectual dilemma, Mohan Bikram Singh
Losing ground, Prashant Jha
The partisan press, CK Lal
Blow your own trumpet, Indu Nepal



1. kabulekanchho

Ass, you are great and pleasantly acerbic (kind of lapsiko paun, you get in Kathmandu shops!) too. Why do not you translate this column into Nepali and publish in the Himal as well? It might encourage our compatriot to look seriously at the humorous side of life. Despite this never ending ramita (called politics in our Gaijatraland) they have been taking likes of Kaamred Bhayanak, Lalldhoj, Macooney, Ramchandra, Koirala (Jr.) etc. little too seriously! Loosen-up my rastrabashis!



2. jange
"...criminal warlordism within the Baddie movement..."

Otherwise known as the mafia.

That's the beauty of Ass. Why use five letters when you can make do with 40?


3. Pole
The North Europeans should be asked to take all the Maoists, their Leaders and the Combats at the  UNMIN supervised  Camps to propogate their verson of communism to their own countries as they have  done with the Bhutanese refuges. Why not replace them with the Sri Lankans in their place. Surely President Rajpakse will respond our sos call.comply with our request and send  advisers.

4. Kale
Is,nt it high time the country should get rid of  self   aggrandizeing White Expats posing as Leftst /,Maoist sympathisers  and liberals ,loving Nepal and Nepalese  more than their own countries but living high-style life  , (mostly  comprising females of the spcies ) promoting hatred between communities,  and their opposites ,the Christian Preachers engaged in conversion and promoting hatred in the rural areas.

5. who cares

bad ASS is impressive.



by the way, how accurate are these gossips?



6. Gole

Constitutional  Constipation Has only one Ramban Remedy(aushadhi)

There is only one issue to be solved.To be or not to be is the  question! Globlly accepted form of Liberal Democracy,offcourse withpreviledge and justice and distribution for the under-priviledged section of tne society. Or  Illiberal Democracy  One Party Dicktatorship of thr Communists with special  priviledge(AGRADHIKAR) only to the Card-holding members of the Party..The future of Nepalese depends on that one issue.QUO VADIS!Eternal vigilance is the price to liberty.



7. Satya Nepali

"Fifteen days after the breakthrough 3-point agreement between the 3 leaders of the 3 parties it is now clear that none of the 3 meant a word they said."

- Could say the same of the so-called "peace agreement" of 2006 too. Big words, great dreams, none of it meant. Cheat, lie, deceit. And why not? They (the politicians) know ppl like you (intellectu-ass) will support them, no matter what. So the NC-UML wanted the CA extension because "it was too embarrassing" otherwise. The Baddies did because it was a "source of money". And how about you? You were going mental over the CA extension too. What was your hidden agenda? -- peace, democracy? ya, ya, ya, we believe you! 

Got the guts to be honest?! 



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


ADVERTISEMENT









himalkhabar.com            

NEPALI TIMES IS A PUBLICATION OF HIMALMEDIA PRIVATE LIMITED | ABOUT US | ADVERTISE | SUBSCRIPTION | PRIVACY POLICY | TERMS OF USE | CONTACT