Nepali Times Asian Paints
ASS
Backside
Mnage a trois

ASS


The three-party threesome are at it again. They managed to postpone a crisis in the nick of time last week, but we are now back to where we started arguing about whether integration should follow resignation or resignation should follow integration. The mnage trois was caught in flagrante at the BICC chambers at the stroke of the midnight hour making its tryst with destiny live on nationwide tv.

Those of you who have by now given up trying to make sense of it all have my deepest sympathies. As an Ass fan wrote in to say last week: these guys seem to be achieving previously unseen levels of uselessness. But what can they do? They were raised in our traditional culture, which values back-stabbing, procrastination, and never doing today what can be done tomorrow.

The Interim Constitution was signed at 4am, the elections were postponed twice, UNMIN's mandate has now been extended four times, it once took two months to form a cabinet. When in doubt, extend and prolong is our national credo, so it is no surprise that when push came to shove, the political parties decided to rejuvenate themselves so they could live to fight another day.

***

The trouble is that no one knows what the real agreement is. Oh yes, they got the three point resolution in writing, but how many unwritten sub-points are there to Point No. 3? There seem to be at least six sub-clauses to Point No. 2. Then the question: does No. 3 follow No. 1 or not? It is now clear that a lot of it all hinges on what transpired in the
critical meeting between KPO and PKD on Friday. Did KPO ghusao the word 'agreeing to resign' into the resolution and then verbally assure him that he'd get Makunay's resignation 'within five days'? Well, five days passed and when there was no sign of MKN budging, an agitated Comrade Bhayankar called Comrade KP from an unknown Ncell number reminding him rather testily about their conversation. Oli replied "Yeah, he'll resign in five seconds, not five days, if you first demobilise your fighters." At which point Awesome hung up.

***

The leaders stayed up all night hammering out the deal on Friday, but on Saturday they were all there at the Sainik Munch bright eyed and bushy tailed for the Republican Day parade. What was surprising to most of us Asses out here was not that nothing has changed since the monarchy days when helicopters dropped rose petals and the Rangers marched past to commemorate the king's happy birthday. What got our goat is that at a time of great national crisis, the president, prime minister, chairman of the assembly and other heads of constitutional organograms had three hours to burn watching kids performing wushu and taekwondo.

***

And what are they now going to do with all the medals that folks have refused? One idea is to send the metal to a foundry and turn them into gun barrels. The other is to henceforth only give medals posthumously so all those thankless living heroes don't have a chance to turn down the honour that the nation has bestowed upon them. The great thing about dead people is that they don't complain.

***

One guy they missed giving a medal to, and someone who would have grabbed the limelight without any hesitation, was His Omniscient Rishi Dhamiro. The man has done more for the protection of democracy and the free press in Nepal by arranging regular cockfights at the Reporters' Club than anyone else. But wait, Sishi Gamala seems now to be tired of hanging on to the coat-tails of politicians and has made a debut in the Rastriya Git music video. As long as they don't allow him to sing in it.

***

Comrade Superfluous has now decided that his dream of staging a comeback as prime minister is receding fast. Which appears to be why even his opposition to the candidature of arch nemesis, BRB, has waned. He now has
his sights on pushing a presidential system through the state restructuring committee into the new constitution, and then in the first general election, getting himself elected as Nepal's first Executive President. This way, he keeps his campaign promise of becoming the first elected president of the Republic of Nepal and he can also mould himself in the image of Leaders Great and Dear, the father and son Kims of Northernmost Korea.

So long as PKD doesn't get the idea that the role of an Executive President is to execute people, the Ass has no objection.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com

READ ALSO:
The magic wand, Dhruba Simkhada
Resurrection, deconstructed, Prashant Jha
Complicity journalism, CK Lal
Revisiting Crapmandu, Rabi Thapa
Professionalism and transparency, Artha Beed



1. Silent spectator
Rishi Dhamiro deserves a padak and may we suggest his name for the guinness book of worst record for poking his nose 10,0000000 times in the local television channels? May be the cameramen should be supplied with cameras that can detect an oversized nose and shut itself down. 
I love the main photo, especially the body languages of the threesome leaders. Whoever is the photographer, also deserves a padak. 

And lastly I recommend a padak to THE ASS for making people laugh every Friday morning. 


2. Sharanhari Dukulanthak
प्रचंडेका भ्यागुताहरुका धार्नि पुगेको छैन रे अहिले,
लालधोज पनि गुरुलाई छिट्कि लगाउन तैयार छ रे अहिले,
काङ्रेसीले काङ्रेसीलाई प्रमं हुनै नदिने त परंपरा पुरानै हो,
हाम्रा काम्रेड माधवदाईको खाँडो जागि चिट्ठै पर्या छ अहिले

Bhyagutaka dharni :
majority number in the Constituent Assembly/Parliament.


3. Danny

Asses of the World Unite! A contry gets that much of  government that it deserves.goes the saying.Let us have EXECUTIONERY PRESIDENT !The Ass should remove his objection in the coming Demoncracy.



4. Kale
Not only the Medals but all the Bells and Statues of the town be melted for making gun barrels so that we do,nt have to buy illegal smuggled ones. Let all peace loving parties compete each-others.

5. gole
Next time it will be a Daisy Chain of   the three contending stalwarts from three competing parties represented by ,BRB,RCPand KPO instead of Menage a trois.

6. Nice ass
I am always a fan of the ass, which has acquired sort of cult following. Would suggest the editor to revamp the logo and give it more character, make it more fun, complete ...

7. Grimaljee
.Commendable work NT  for the news,Mohammad Isdakhad of Ghorai Dang must be declared The Environmentalist of the Year. Balkrishna Sama used to ride a cycle made for two with his wife in the past.Isdakhad has shown a good example of austerity for the cash hungry Exchequer of the country  to combat financial crunch.,the budget deficit.Instead of riding Mercedes, Prado ,Pazero,etc,etc our ministers ,political hangers-ons  and beareaucrats should be given this tri-cycle  made for three or a Golcha-Mustang from now on.for austerity,s sake  Auction the presently used  vehicles costing over 10 lacs.Use the outcome to finance such enterprizes. Tthe Prime Minister of our neighbouring  country India  rides a Hindusthan Ambassador;even when India manufactures Audi ,Mercedes and other kinds of expensive cars.

8. Kale
Stop importing expensive cars. Costlier the cars , greater the commission. Small, inexpensive cars are enough for ministrrial or beaurocratic uses. Jeeps like Gipsys are enough for project use.Build missing link roads. Even Patan -Kathmandu as one city coglomerate now  has in effect only one bridge in use with  heavy traffic, causing daily traffic jam. Why the public road in Maitighar -Bhadrakali is still blocked by the army.? Is YCL  (or YSL ) sleeping or in a trance,? Is the powerful civil(or evil) government is blind or like OWL does not see in the light.? Car importers ,with so much of cash, must be powerful.lobby. It is budget time ,so more powerful,who sink so much money.Better provide incentive to Golcha,s-Mustang,a native venture. Austerity is the government.s slogan and like all slogans are only for public consumtion.

9. ngs
so we now have the 3 Racketeers..i/o the noble musketeers.. Trust these monkeys to find new ways to mess up our Gross National Happiness.  Slogan for New Nepal:  If it ain't broke, break it. 

LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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