Nepali Times Asian Paints
ASS
Backside
Borrrring!

ASS


Knew there was a catch to the Baddies signing the multi-partisan pledge not to disrupt Visit Nepal Year with bunneds and hurt-alls. We forgot to read the fine print in the agreement:

'However, the party deserves the right to close down any hotel at any time on any pretext just so that, while hiding behind the banner of our revolutionary trade union, we can continue to extort the hell out of any tourism investor who has not yet left this country in total disgust. The party will also stop all trekking from Saturday onwards by placing goons at strategic locations on the trails unless the trekking agencies triple the daily wages of porters, and pay us a donation. We will beat to pulp any Nepali porter we find on the trekking trails, disobeying our diktat. But we will leave the foreigners alone because we don't intend to disrupt Visit Nepal Year. Because, although we may be atheists, we firmly believe that paryataks are debo bhava.'

***

I'm glad to see it's not just the Weekly Donkey who is confused about Nepali political shenanigans. Indian state minister Dig Vijay, after an hour-long chat with fellow-Vijay (the Gachhedar) last week asked the MJF deputy PM: "So how is your UML party doing?" It's all getting so baffling that Nirupama Behen didn't want to get even more bewildered by meeting Herr Pascoe and his entourage, who had to be content with shaking hands with South Bloc's Nepal desk handler. Which is probably why Pascoe was telling every bigwig he met in Kathmandu last week that if UNMIN departed, India would gobble Nepal up. Borrrring!

***

The YCL Don telling this paper last week that henceforth his paramilitary organisation would devote itself solely to controlling criminality is like letting Comrade Fox guard the Chicken Cantonment. The announcement coincided with a spurt in extortion terrorism in Gorkha, Tanahu and Kaski where the YCL has banned any DDC contract being awarded to anyone but them: on pain of death. The irony of it all, of course, is that the contracts are for re-building the health posts, VDC buildings, bridges that the Baddies themselves bombed to smithereens during the war.

***

Organisers of future sports meets in Nepal should have got the message by now. We proud Nepalis (who, need we remind you, have never been colonised) will never take any defeat lying down. If the American cricket team beats us, we will beat them up. And if Big Vito seems to be getting the upper hand (as it were) over Himalayan Tiger at the unfortunately-named World Trade Centre, then we will break a few chairs over the American wrestler's head. Get that? Take that, you imperialists. And that.

***

By far the most momentous decision taken by the non-government organisation that is the present coalition was to declare Ghoday Jatra a national holiday. The government meets on Sunday to declare Monday a happy holiday. A govt bunned. Not that it mattered, because the entire Tarai was shut down anyway by the Tharus, Biratnagar was closed by cadres of the ruling UML and Jhapa's highways were closed by bus drivers.

The Ass, as you have probably guessed by now, is not all that fond of horses. Why the country needs a holiday just so these haughty high-caste mules can prance around in Tundikhel in front of a visibly bored President, a Prime Minister who looked like he'd rather be taking a nap and a CA Chairman who gave the distinct impression he had more urgent matters to attend to, is beyond me. With all this horsing around, no wonder the New Constipation is stuck amidst all the heavy load-shedding.

***

Which brings us to the Only in Nepal Quote of the Week. Energised Minister Prakash Mahat (whose first name means 'light', hahahaha) told the press: "I am happy to announce that the government has successfully ensured that loadshedding this year is not going to exceed 12 hours a day."

ass(at)nepalitimes.com

READ ALSO:
Pressing concerns - FROM ISSUE #494 (19 MARCH 2010 - 25 MARCH 2010)
Shoot-yourself-in-the-foot unionism - FROM ISSUE #494 (19 MARCH 2010 - 25 MARCH 2010)



1. 2010
visit nepal 2011, hahahaha, lets see if nepal will retain its sovereignty untill 2011. and 12 hrs of loadshedding is suppose to be good news?¿¿¿

2. jange
Ass, you are an ungrateful cur. Be grateful that you are GETTING electricity for 12 hours a day. This is a classic case of asinine intelligence producing bovine output. What next? A new constitution??


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