Nepali Times Asian Paints
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Backside
To Russia with love

ASS


he Donkey's quote of the week is attributed in the local press to a Kangresi student leader at TC who, after being apprehended with a khukuri in class, told police: "If the eh-Maleys can come here with guns, why can't I carry a sword to college?"

'Nuf said about the state of education (and the country at large). What does one make of student unions belonging to the two main parties in the ruling coalition battling it out with guns 'n' knives over who should get the contract to expand their college's chemistry lab? When the Ass was a student at TC way back when, the chemistry lab was where one tried to impress students of the opposite sex by conducting experiments lighting bunsen burners under round-bottomed flasks to generate hydrogen. Today's students live in a technologically superior age and probably need a bigger lab so that they can take their arms race to the next level by installing plutonium enrichment centrifuges.

***

Foreign Minister Suzy Koirala sure knows how to win the hearts and minds (and last but not least, the stomachs) of us Nepali hacks. She organised a "lunch cocktail" at the Raddision as a curtain-raiser for her India visit the other day. Predictably, us journos had our priorities right and made a bee-line for the cocktails rather than the buffet, and promptly proceeded to get plastered. ("Payeko belama khai halnu." - Nepali proverb). Mustering the nerves to ask provocative questions that comes only after there is sufficient Madeira coursing down the bloodstream, we asked Suzy Didi: "Sho, mantrijee, whash duh agenda for the Bharat bhijit, hic, be sho bheri kind and tell ush?" Must give it to the former First Dotter, she is quick. Without batting even one of her eye-lashes, Suzy replied: "Since India invited me, I don't have to worry about the agenda-sagenda, they will give us the agendas to discuss. Akhir malai Bharat le bolako, hoina, uniharulai nai thaha hola ke ke agenda chhan."

By this time, most of the hacks were too intoxicated to realise what a great sound bite that was. Which is why the quote never got into the national press, and it's a good the thing the Ass was only half-smashed, it's all there in my notebook.

***

So what if the Revolutionary International Movement refused to meet Chairman Tremendous in London? It looks like the real destination all along was Minsk, where the NRN contingent had laid out the Red Carpet.

Unlike last year's official visit to the UN General Assembly this wasn't a fun trip, but a fund trip. The Maoist coffers are a bit depleted, and Chairman Overwhelming is out to replenish the war chest. But taking Comrade Wife Sita and Dear Leader Prakash along has opened up Awe-Inspiring to a great deal of ridicule within his own party for breaking his own recently-promulgated Code of Conduct. One senior comrade said snidely to the Ass the other day: "Prakash has tagged along this time as computer assistant cum official camera person."

PKD then goes on to Moscow, where he will meet Comrade Vladimir Ilyich in his mausoleum. But a pilgrimage to Georgia to pay respects to Uncle Joe's birthplace (which has always been on Comrade Astounding's 'things to do before I retire' list) has been scrapped because Russia is massing troops in Abkhazia for another putsch into Georgia again any day now. On the whole, though, it's a good thing PKD has gone to the Land Where Communism Collapsed. Maybe it'll be an eye-opener.

***

JNK now thinks he's waited long enough and is making his move against MKN and KPO. In so doing, he is either knowingly or unknowingly playing right into the hands of the Mau Mau who can only get into govt if they manage to split the Eh-Malaise. The party is already running parallel district committees with pro and anti-JN cliques. With Upadro Yadav and Jhallu both speaking Maoist lingo, it is pretty clear what PKD meant by "strategic offensive" before he jetted off to the Woolwich Town Hall.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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