Having survived Holi's hydro-terrorists throwing lola plastic grenades you must be thinking: "Whew, thank Yahweh that's over." But you ain't seen nothin' yet. The Tarai band looks set to extend indefinitely, given the consortium of ex-Baddies, ex-Forum, ex-royalists, ex-UML, and ex-NGOs backing the agitation. If and when the bund is over, there are other groups queuing up to shut down the Tarai and the East-West Highway has been "booked" for closure till April. But everything has a price, and we hear that activists blocking the highway at Chandranighapur who haven't even let media delivery vans ply and have vandalised half the ambulances in the Tarai, are letting buses go through if they pay Rs1,000 each.
***
Even an Ass can figure out that if a group can shut down the country for 10 days, there must be someone in govt who doesn't want the problem resolved. It is clear that the UML and Maoists feel that the Tharu strike in the Tarai is a way to do onto the Madhesis what the Madhesis did to them back in January 2007. At that time, it was clear that everyone who wanted the Maoists wiped out of the eastern Tarai let the andolan simmer away for months. This time, the tables are turned, and everyone is openly dilly-dallying, negotiators even telling reporters that talks had to be postponed yet again because the mantri had forgotten to do his griha karya. The only groups notagitating for their own federal territories, it seems, are women, Dalits and bahuns.
***
South Asian poltiicans, no matter how wholesome, ultimately succumb to dynasty rule. That is why Nepal will never really be a republic because everyone wants to be a clown prince. the latest is Chandra Bhan Yadav, presidential scion, who is put down his name for the by-election in Dhanusha. By all accounts, the ex-X-ray Technician is sure to lose, but that is hasn't deterred him from trying his luck at the ballot.
***
And where are our feminine revolutionaries, the slayers of Miss Nepal 2008, when right under their fair and lovely noses there are beauty contests galore going on? Just this week there was the Kiddie Queen contest, last month a Teen Princess pageant was held, and every ethnic group that is worthy of a federal unit is putting up its teenage girls out to be Miss This and Miss That. So, tell me again, what was the problem with holding Miss Nepal?
***
It takes a rabid conspiracist to see a rabid conspiracy behind every bush. And so it is with the comrade leaders. Having spent the best part of ten years in Noida, they should know what happens in the Indian capital which must be why they smell a rat in KG, GPK, BDG, KPO, MKN all being in Delhi at the same time. What's in the water in Baluwatar that anyone who resides there threatens to expose a "grand design"? Used to be Girjaw, and now its Senor Terrifico who is threatening to expose the people behind the attack in Syaulibang.
***
The Donkey did its own investigation, and it turns out that the attackers of the Piuthan police station are family of a local biggie slain by the Maoists. The state of the lawlessness in the country is now affecting the ruling Baddies as their past sins come back to haunt them. Even in their Base Area, former victims of Maoist extortion are now demanding their money back. Seeing the financial ministry lavishly distributing cash to its cadre by declaring 8,000 martyrs, Maoist victims now want their share of the take.
***
A stern-looking portrait of Comrade Stupendous sporting a salt and pepper Uncle Joe moustache is now going to be distributed to all govt offices. The PM reportedly wanted to chose the picture himself, and the MOIC is printing 20,000 full colour prints in glossy paper. Tremendous is under tremendous pressure these days from all sides on Tibet. The Mainland wants him to crack down on Tibetans, and he got the police to make pre-emptive arrests of potential trouble-makers in Boudha. The very next day he got a visit from the American, British and French envoys with a warning to let the Tibs alone.
ass(at)nepalitimes.com
