Nepali Times Asian Paints
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Whiplash in the assembly

ASS


Ex-king G is apparently looking for a good editor to get his memoir to the press for release on the first anniversary of his stepping down next year. But being quite a wordsmith (he wrote all his speeches himself while king) it does sound like he won't need much rewriting. Publishers are keen because they are sure it will outsell PKD's biography. A whole chunk of the forthcoming book is reportedly a blow-by-blow account of the palace massacre of 2001, and part of an effort to clear his name once for all.

But guess it won't bring us up-to-date with sonny boy's shenanigans in S'pore with wife-battering and exceeding the speed limit on the ECP in his Lamborghini.

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Politics in Nepal always comes full circle, so it was a given that sooner or later the Maoists would take on Mandalay advisers. Nepal is a secular democratic federal republic, but the new buddies of the baddies are all blasts from the past: Hira Budder, Loktantra Man Singh, Ramesh Nath, etc.

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So the assembly committee tasked with making rules and procedures has finally decided to allow all parties to whip their representatives into shape. The reason for the delay was that the patriarchal and conservative party bosses were scared stiff that women and janjati representatives would forge alliances that would cross party lines when they voted on critical clauses in the new constitution. The deadlock was delaying deliberations on the constitution drafting process. The parties have therefore decided to compromise, leaving out all mention of whips and leather studs from the rules and procedures.

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Next week's nationwide cadre jamboree is making so-called 'moderate' Maobaddies nervous. Which is why BRB has now got a fan club on Facebook, and he's trying to sound really hardline by threatening to nationalise private schools and make Pasang C-in-C. Dr Babu has also been trying to cajole the hardliners by promising them university degrees: Bachelors of War for the radicals, Masters of Revolution for those who hacked off limbs of class enemies, honorary SLCs for whole timers, and a special PhD for Comrade Terrific. With the Doc and Gaurav sharpening their knives, El Supremo may be pushed to chose between BRB and the hard core.

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Whatever degree they get, the new pressure groups in town should stop calling themselves OBCs (Other Backward Classes). How can a downtrodden group ever liberate itself if it describes itself as 'backward'?

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The Ass hears Mahara Dai and Pampha Didi are so concerned about disenchantment within the party about nepotism ahead of their cadre confab that they met Chairman Terrifying specifically to warn him that there was growing talk of his offspring getting preferential treatment, and of Mrs Parbati padding up ministries and corporations under her command with cronies and relatives.

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How will the Financial Minister ever raise revenue to fund his populist budget if his own cadre don't ask for bills and don't pay VAT when they buy winter tracksuits on wholesale for guerrillas in the cantonments? And at the rate rural hospitals and education projects are being extorted, forget about the private sector: even the money that is trickling in for charity will dry up. When the YCL forced an army plane in Nepalganj to dump sacks of rice destined for Humla and forced them to take passengers instead, it was seen as a one-off incident. But then they started terrorising the private airlines, vandalising Yeti's office in Surkhet. The airline has stopped operating in the far west since then. The Baddie ministry of uncivil aviation is threatening the airline to resume services to remote areas or have its license revoked; the airline says no way Jose.

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PKD, despite his pressing schedule, just can't seem to turn down a launch or inauguration so he can deliver yet another sermon from the pulpit. At the ex-royal National Academy of Science and Technology (NASTY) the other day, Terrifying gave these pearls of wisdom: "Science is a field where cheating is not allowed, but in politics cheating is allowed." Huh?

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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