Nepali Times
Bloody country


The less said about the ongoing shortages of everything, the better. But on last week's Backside list of shortages, please add blood.

Yes, this bloody country has even run out of blood. The Central Blood Bank's refrigeration unit has packed up, and the Nepali people are in no mood to donate any more corpuscles.


There is no point complaining about shortages. It's just not original anymore. Let's look at the bright side. Here is the Ass' updated list of why we should be upbeat:
1. Because there is less fuel to burn, the air pollution level in Kathmandu is down considerably
2. The diesel at the pumps is pure because there is no kerosene to adulterate it with
3. Nepal has met its commitments to contain greenhouse gases way ahead of the Kyoto timetable
4. With motorcycles off the roads, there are fewer of them hitting Baba-san's ingenious concrete dividers
5. Children watch less tv because of load-shedding
6. Parents are also enjoying the lack of tv, so expect a baby boom around December
7. Amateur astronomy is enjoying a comeback because of the darkness


So Upendra Yadav finally got to ride a night-vision helicopter on Sunday night, something he hadn't been able to do when he was a Maoist and later when he defected to the royal camp. Anyway, the other Madhesi leaders were already nearing a deal after midnight, but Upendrabhaiya got a call on his mobile and said the whole thing was off. Can we scramble Nepal Telecom to figure out where that call came from and whether it has a +91 prefix?


Wonder why all these Madhes talks are nocturnal? Are they hatching dark plots? Why can't they all meet at more civilized hours?

They say it's easier to wake up someone who is asleep than someone who is just pretending to sleep. Girjau pretended to be asleep on Tuesday night while the Madhesi leaders were kept waiting downstairs in Baluwatar from 3PM onwards. Sitaula and Shekhar kept going up and down, telling the UMDF leader to watch some more television (there is no loadshedding in Baluwatar). By 9PM, they'd had it, and stomped out, fuming. Unfortunately there were no soundbites and no flashing cameras because the reporters waiting outside were so fed up they decided to boycott the news. Even when the home minister came out to placate them, the reporters registered their protest by not asking him any questions and not taking any pictures.


The Ass wishes KP Bhattarai many happy returns of the day, but the man should just fhut the suck up unless he wants to spoil the chances of his own party in polls by proclaiming the Nepali monarchy will be around for three more centuries (why only three, why not five?).

Apparently there was a council of war at Bhaisepati the previous day to plan for the Himalaya Hotel bash which Kingji and Paras Sircar also attended. At this rate, the kangresis are headed for another split between the Royal Congress and the Republican Congress. With Gachhedar and Sharad Singh already defecting, there are enough frustrated kangresis out there who didn't get tickets to opt out in disgust. Is that why The Sher is drowning his sorrows in Old Smuggler, or is the man celebrating?


Four thousand Nepali students go to Australia to study every year and a much larger number to Britain for studies and family visits. The Australians started it, now the British require Nepalis to apply for visas in Delhi.

If Shitall Nibas had any gonads, it would tell the Brits and the Ozzies to stuff themselves for discontinuing visas in Kathmandu. And in the spirit of reciprocity, we should cancel visa on arrival for nationals of these two countries and ask Australians to apply for Nepali visas in Suva. And Britons can get theirs at our embassy in Cairo.


(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)