Nepali Times
Under My Hat
Holy Cow


Q. Write an essay on a domestic animal that you like the most. (25 marks)
A. The international animal I like mostly is Kangaroo. But domestic animal I like all most is our cow. There are many holy cows in Nepal. One of them is our armed forces. The other is lying dead at the Tripureswor Roundabout because it ate 350 plastic bags. Kathmandu Metropolitan Council finally brought a big crane to remove it to kingdom come.

This animal is a mammal and is full of many uses for man throughout our ancient history. She is giving curd for eating, and also turd for burning. Every thing cow does is useful: cow urine is healthy drink for some prime ministers. Cow patty is full of antibiotics and hormones, and can be used as disinfectant inside household. Under cow are four udders, which is the most useful component.

Because it is holy, cows are also good for worshipping. We really like to worship a cow. One day in every year we put marigold necklace on cows and pray for their long life. Cows love to eat marigold necklace, it is their favourite snack. They like the strings attached.

Another day every year, in Gai Jatra, we like to make fun of all holy cows. It is a very funny day in Nepal. Nothing is sacred to us on this day! We can poke fun at everyone and everything, we can even call our principal a Cow.

Sometimes, if we become very brave and foolish on Gai Jatra, we can make funny pictures about Prime Minister like drawing him in newspaper without any under wear, so you can see his private sectors. Hahahahaha. But many VIPs today not having sense of humour, so it is very boring.

In Rana days, Gai Jatra was allow because rulers want people to let off gas so pressure will not build up. Now-a-day, because of this new democrazy thing every day is becoming just like Gai Jatra.

Kathmandu street is made for cows, because their favourite food is to eat the garbage. They like newspapers mostly because newspapers contain a lot of roughage which is good for their digestive system. But like above mentioned, plastic bags are not good for cow\'s digestion. Also not good for cows is eating non-veg food, this is why in England many cows are turning mad. It is Nepal\'s good luck that cows are strictly vegetarian, so no cows are mad here.

Another useful thing for cows to do is to become traffic islands. Cows in Kathmandu regulate traffic by sitting on middle of road and serve as bovine road dividers. Without cow, traffic would be chaos. Kathmandu Metropolitan Council is paying strict attention to this.

A boy cow is called Bull. He is very useful in our agriculture society to pull hoe and for locomotion. Without bull, tarai region will grind to halt. Even on bandh days in tarai, bullock carts are allowed, so they are most important for public transportation. Nepalis like very much bull sheet, because we can make fire from cow\'s backside. According to RSS news report, many Nepali bulls today migrating illegally to Bangladesh via India. The grass always greener on other side, but Nepali bulls don\'t know that Bangladesh is kingdom come. Listen, you bulls, "mother and motherland are dearer than heaven."

(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)