The nation is still reverberating from The Slap that Comrade Ferocious got on his cheek while shaking hands with karyakartas at the Baddie Tea Party the other day. The YCLs beat the living daylights out of Padam Kunwar, who has become an overnight cyber celebrity. Now that all three leaders of the three main parties have been slapped, Madhesi leaders must be wondering who among them is next. Here are some tips to avoid injury:

• Resign from the post of Party President
• Employ robotic arms to shake hands at tea parties
• Get a look-alike as decoy
• Don't shake hands with suspicious-looking chaps, blow kisses
• Meet cadre only through Facebook, not face-to-face
• If slapped, turn the other cheek
• All guests at tea parties to be handcuffed first
• Leaders to mandatorily wear protective headgear at all times
• Challenge attacker to a wrestling duel

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Something happened on Tuesday that upset the apple cart. Comrade Awesome, the most calculating neta ever to appear in the Nepali political firmament (and I'm saying that with genuine admiration) had agreed with the politicos that Prime Minister Red Flag would start the process of reconstituting the government by stepping down. PKD thought he had killed two stones with one bird by removing his nemesis from office and projecting himself as kingmaker.

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It was on that assurance that the president, who was also looking for a face-saving way out, signed the budget ordinance. Although all sides tried to paint themselves as the winners in this deal, it was BRB who pulled a fast one and bought himself more time by leap-frogging the 22 November election date and announcing yet another election for next year without saying when. The primordial minister in an unguarded moment (before his address to the nation on Thursday evening) had said he was going to be PM "for the next ten years". Looks like that wasn't just a slip of the tongue, he is going to make turning himself into a Jyoti Basu a self-fulfilling prophecy. But there is a sour note. BRB has been telling people within earshot of the media that he feels 'betrayed' by India. If that's the case, wonder what they'd promised him.

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The only guys who seem to feel they have lost out are the Eh-maleys and Kangresis who have retreated to their lairs to lick their wounds, and subject the Nepali people to yet another andolan. They have no one to blame but themselves by letting PKD run circles around them. If they only talked to each other, Lion Brave, Jushil Da, and Lord Ram would know that Awesome has promised prime ministership to all of them at some point or other. The other candidate who seems mesmerised by the thought of ascending to Balu Water is Demon Nath who is PKD's candidate for a 'technocratic' pradhan monkey.

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There is a reason why this Plutocracy of the Red Elite is feeling so cosy staying on in power. There was a time when corruption in Nepal was a 10% here and a 10% there. People talked about 'lakhs' changing hands below the table, and 'tea money' at the traffic office. What a Great Leap Forward this government has made. No one talks nowadays about anything less than corrodes and arabs in kickbacks. Road-widening is leading to the widening of the midriffs of a lot of YCL comrades and their commanders who monopolise the all-Nepal rentals of bulldozers. Apparently they are even giving themselves contracts for the 're-construction' of bridges destroyed during the conflict which don't even exist. Gutch's sidekick who has been caught several times in the police dragnet of mafia bosses, is also a major beneficiary of road-widening. I finally get it: that is why Farang Minister Kaji Naran Kamred is telling donors not to bother about funding human rights and inclusion in Nepal, and to channel their monies instead into 'infrastructure'.

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Alert Ass fans have written in to say that the Nepali word 'paji' doesn't just mean 'armpit hair' but also 'adolescent donkey'. This donkey stands corrected and regrets the error.