BIKRAM RAI

The website of the Organisation of the Worker's Party of Afghanistan Marxist-Leninist-Maoist, Principally Maoist (such an organisation exists, I kid you not, check out their website: www.mlmprincipallymaoism.wordpress.com) has denounced Comrade Ass for suggesting in a previous column that Chairman ("Shining Path") Gonzalo had written to our own Chairman ("Prachanda Path") Lotus Flower to give up arms and join the men-stream of national politics. Well, the Afghan Communards have taken umbrage and accused the Donkey of being a spy.

A statement published in the Worker's Party of Afghanistan Marxist-Leninist-Maoist, Principally Maoist website is reprinted here in its entirety in order to clear any remaining doubts you may have that the Ass is a spook:

It is the task of all revolutionary and Maoists of the world to denounce the "New" hoax of "Letter of Chairman Gonzalo to Nepali Maoists" in Nepali Times. We have to uncover such lies. We hate, stamp and crash such bullshit hoax and lies, by upholding Maoism and defending Chairman Gonzalo's Shining Path of Peoples' War Until Communism!

Down with "New" Hoax of "Letter to Nepali Maoists"
Long life Chairman Gonzalo and his All-powerful Thought
Down with ROL and its miserable rats
Down with LOL, Victor Quispe and other miserable rats of imperialism and the reaction
Long life Marxism-Leninism-Maoism, Principally Maoism

Guess that's that, then. Still can't figure out what, or who, LOL and ROL are, tho.

You think you were the only ones poking fun at the possibility of Comrade "Son Also Rises" Prakash having his nose amputated because his proboscis got frost-bitten even before he reached Base Camp during his bid to be the first First Son to climb Mt Everest? You think that is funny, huh? Then you should read the kind of jokes that have been circulating on the Facebook walls of pro-BRB and pro-Baidya factions of the Baddies. Some hint at the other appendages that may freeze over as Mr Prakash goes higher up the mountain. Others sympathise with the proletarian porters who will have to carry the Dear Leader up the Khumbu Icefall.

The pro-Badal Baddie mouthpiece Janadisha has been dishing out super galis on the establishmentarian comrades led by BRB and PKD. The latest issue calls Comrade Chairman a "Red Traitor" and insinuates that Comrade Supersonic's recent indisposition was caused not by a stomach upset, but cholera. The Maobaddies didn't even say this about their class enemies. And compared to this, Comrade Cloudy was being politeness personified when he called the prime minister "corrupt, fascist and anti-national" at Saturday's CentCom. And CP ridiculing PKD's ambition to be executive president as akin to being "Chief Minister of Nepal" was an even more intellectual insult.

As the fur flies in the Baddie lair, one person we don't hear about much these days is Comrade Mahara Dai. The former information minister who was taped by You-Know-Who asking a Chinese operative for 50 karodes to buy off opposition CA members so PKD could be prez again is conspicuous by his absence from the political radar screens. The Gentleman Comrade seems to be caught between Bhayanak and Baidya. PKD doesn't trust KBM because of his overtures to Baidya Kaka, and BK doesn't trust KBM because he has a history for being PKD's money bag. Don't tell anyone I told you this, but the other reason Mahara Dai is lying low could be that he suspects the CIAA may be probing him on the frequency scam.

Comrade Upadro seems to miss all the gallivanting he did as foreigner minister, and is itching to get back into the headlines. One sure way of doing that is to predict that the new constitution is impossible. He told reporters at the Club: "How can the constitution be drafted if the parties hold meetings in hotels and resorts without inviting me?"

So the Babas have threatened a Dharma Yuddha if Nepal is not re-declared a Hindu Kingdom. Not to be outdone, NEFIN has threatened a Janajati Jihad if there is no ethnic federalism. How many wars are we going to have in this country? Wish they'd tell us so we could be prepared.

Other tidbits:
• Jailed lawmaker Shyam Sundar Gupta has written to Speaker Nembang from his jail cell saying he wants his CA allowance, since he is still a member of the august house.

• Baidya Kaka told reporters he is against PKD being a directly-elected president because he feels it "might invite dictatorship". Of the proletariat, perhaps?

• PKD was asked on Cuntipore Tv if he preferred being called Prachanda or Pushpa Kamal. "I like Prachanda more than Pushpa Kamal Dahal, and you will see more of Prachanda as it signifies people's aspirations for change." Hey, Awesome, is that a threat?