Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
"Result Too Large to Display"

ASS


How much is Tuesday's seven-point agreement to resuscitate the peace process going to cost Nepali tax payers? The Donkey got out a calculator and multiplied an average of 7 laks with the 12,000 ladakus who will not be integrated, and this is what the monitor showed: "Result Too Large to Display".

The figure is so astronomical that we had to check with the Central Bureau of Statistics which came up with the correct total: a lump sum of nearly Rs 9 billion. So, you if you killed a whole lot of people the state will pay you Rs 7 laks each, or allow you to join the army. Sheer genius. But soldiers and police who also killed a whole bunch of people will rightfully ask: "Hey, how about us?" Just a thought: if we had got Nordic taxpayers to give guerrillas 10,000 dollars each in 1996, perhaps there needn't have been a war in the first place.

The only thing "historic" about the seven-point deal is that it's just a continuation of history. The "Radissson Agreement" actually follows up on the "Gokarna Summit" a year ago and the CPA five years ago in which Com Sitaula had got leaders to nearly agree on exactly the same points. In Gokarna, Makunay and Awesome had crossed the t's and dotted the i's on the number of fighters to be integrated and the compensation package to those opting for rehabilitation, and were ready to sign the documents after lunch break. But then PKD got a longish phone call from somewhere, and suddenly told MKN he couldn't go through with it. That is how we lost one year on this agreement. The moral of the story is that henceforth all mobile phones should be banned during summits.

What we tend to forget is that this was just an agreement on decommissioning of the Baddie camps, the larger issues of the new constitution remain to be resolved. And what we haven't seen are the sub-points of the seven point agreement that were stealthily written with invisible ink. Even Bauram hasn't denied that besides the note of dissenters, the agreement has footnotes which stipulate the sequence of power-sharing. Under this "ladies and gentlemen agreement", it looks like Awesome will once more become primordial minister on or around November 30 so that he is head of government when the constitution is finally written. The Kangresis have agreed to wait, and will be given the helms to oversee elections when they are finally held. Those who believed in revolutionary leadership have agreed on rotational leadership, which must be a sign of progress.

It's a win-win for everyone. BRB cements his statesmanlike image of a dealmaker who delivered on his promise of rescuing the peace process. PKD who sorely missed being in Balu Water not just gets back to being PM, but even regains the trust of his handlers down south. The Kangresis get their pound of flesh. And the UML doesn't get anything, they just get to show that they are still players.

Even though the party leadership smoked the peace pipe, war has broken out between the chauffeurs of the various ex-prime ministers in the Balu Water parking lot. A long simmering dispute between drivers over priority parking slots broke out into an open fist-fight even while the leaders were signing on the dotted line on Tuesday night. Makunay has been trying to launch a club of ex-PMs to build bridges and take a perspective outlook on issues of national importance, and the group has met a couple of times. Ironically, it was MKN's own driver and PKD's YCL flunky who first got into the skirmish and others joined in. There is another peace process that needs to be saved on the parking lot.



1. who cares
""Result Too Large to Display"."

worry not ass, norway, india cha ne., this is going to be a tiny part of their redemption. 


"The moral of the story is that henceforth all mobile phones should be banned during summits."

another moral, all those involved in negotiation should be mummified too. 








2. I have had enough!!
Ass, its not just 9 arab (8.4 by your count) its NR 14,250,000,000.00 straightforward sum of money transferred directly to combatants at 5000p.m. for 19500 over 60 months. This does not include other overheads which are massive. 

Better, since 700,000 will do nothing for you without skills to add to your income and will be blown away in about 1 year. What would they do then? Would they complain that they were not included in the army with a permanent income? What else can they do?

On another matter, why would the Norse warriors send you money without getting every penny worth of entertainment out of it?


3. Nepali
Society assume you more diligent & in comparison to BRB more talent.This is Ransom to Mass killers from the state.They enjoined it from inception to date and enjoy in future too. The real figure very hard to conclude if you include the services interrupted or discontinued to deprived people.Hence amend the title of your article , Ransom in Radission"
why you want to disclose the open secret Makuney or Jholinath also beneficiary there, check there tenure of almost two years. Now little toDDT
Devine dose to Tharu or Teraiyan. Why you don't ask your share & for NT readers.


4. who cares
grand business opportunity for plas.

i am planning to grow rice on the moon, the return will be 900%. if interested pla wants to invest contact me at 197.

why doesnt ass sell your gand pa's land and invest too?



5. NT.Reader
Dear Ass there is vacancy of professor in JNU forward your CV. don't enjoy the smile of FOOLAN DEVI , it is wating of time?


6. Independent Observer
Once upon a time there was a country called Nepal. A very peaceful country living in peace and harmony with all the other countries of the world. This was a country where god and human being lived together respecting each other. 
One day a bunch of monkeys came from nowhere and started claiming the coconut. One monkey got hold of the coconut and suddenly all the other monkeys wanted to shake his hand. Then the coconut went to another monkey's hand. Then again all the monkeys wanted to shake this new monkeys hand. Before one monkey could hold the coconut the other would start fighting so the coconut went from one hand to another and then to another. In this fight to own the fruit, they didn't even notice that the coconut developed cracks. They kept on passing around when finally the coconut breaks into pieces. Instead of trying to find why the coconut broke into pieces, now the monkeys have grown into different groups and each group is fighting with another group to claim at least one piece of the coconut. Other monkeys are happy just to lick some juice. 


7. jange

Is Norway financing the Maoist killers?

If so I expect that they will be financing their own revolutionary too. The one that killed dozens of teenagers a while ago.

Just like our Maoists he too killed in order to achieve his political objectives and apparently he says history will judge his actions to have been correct and that future generations of Norwegians will thank him for it- exactly the same as our own Maoist killers.

Maybe NT should ask the Norwegian ambassador to explain the difference between our Maoists and him.



8. Gole
Nice to see katuwal and Hisila together and the jilebi smile.
Hisila must be thanking Katuwal so that now Babu Ram got the chance to be the Prime Minister and dahal Prachanda had to make way for BRB
Smile Hisila Smile!.


9. Rajaram
Lutheran World Federation,  World Vision, Gospel Asia, etc etc have a long history of mixing social activities and proselytizing in India and in Nepal recently. Lutheran churches have also been funding and cultivating factions of Maoists.
That is why India's home ministry has blacklisted more than 800NGOsin the north-east  for alleged links with separatist groups.


10. who cares
7. jange

Is Norway financing the Maoist killers?


i did hear that norway used to supply communication equipment to maoist during massacre era. 

there could be possibility that they had funded in the name of buying food, medical to those tagged terrorists. 




11. Vija Srestha
It's amazing,hilariously funny,I am so happy to see people coming out of their confort zone and being themselves.Mr.Kunda,I humbly envy you and wish you to have this zeal till the end of our days.People are so creative.I wish to celebrate the lighter side of the life ,we have so much imaginative rubbish,it is taking away the beauty of life.

12. NT.Reader
Hey ASS like your calculator your mind also failed look jumbo minister name list Bahadur Ram Babu (BRB-PM) -------- Mr. Ram irrigation Ministers. fill others .Very hard to name all 50 . Don't Forget Sarita she is reserve for Labour ......


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(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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