'Visit Nepal, And We'll Squeeze Every Last Penny From You' should be the slogan for 2011. Visa fee, ticket to enter Bhaktapur, ticket for Patan Darbar Square, ACAP fee, new trekking permit fee, Mustang royalty …visitors to Nepal can be forgiven for feeling like they're being held upside down until the last coin drops out of their pockets. Just when they thought there were no more fees, tourists stranded here by the Icelandic volcano got a rude shock on Wednesday as they were fined for overstaying in Nepal. Every other country in the world, including Schengen states, automatically extended the validity of temporary visitor visas. But at our Imitation Dept, the cash counter was tinkling away.
***
In 1850 Jang Bahadur, who had just come to power following the Kot Massacre, became the first South Asian potentate to visit Britain and France. His intention was to gauge British military might so he could decide whether it was worth declaring war on England and, if that were to happen, whether the French would side with us. Which is why while there, besides inspecting the red light district, he also visited cannon factories and the naval wharf. Impressed, he decided to be Britain's friend and sent troops down to rescue them during the Indian Mutiny.
Today, Pushpa Kamal ('Comrade Jangay') Dahal is in a similar conundrum about whether or not to declare war on India. He did nasal exercises alongside His Holiness the Ramdev last month to probe the possible fallout. He met another Soodsayer, who told him his Saturn was stronger than Mars. And now, before launching his Mahabharat Yuddha on May Day, he has sent everyone's favourite emissary-at-large, Amresh Bhai, to sound out Delhi Darbar. Only problem is that since the demise of his mentor, Amresh has been blabbering away to the local press, which is full of reports of how Chairman Fearsomeness is willing to do anything to fulfill Five Conditions so he can be anointed PM. This led one wag to mutter at a diplomatic do the other night: "It will be worrying if the Indians stop worrying."
***
The Three Leaders of the Three Parties (which makes nine in total) are trying to revive the HLPM, but it's looking more and more like flogging a dead ass. The bottom line is that the Baddies are in no mood to allow the new constitution to be written until they are back in the saddle. But that can't be done until PKD hears back from Dilli, so what to do while we wait? Well-publicised nationwide khukuri exercises and martial arts training. The long wait is making Awesome antsy, mainly because he suspects a plot is afoot to make his nemesis BRB PM instead of him. The sabre-rattling is therefore not aimed so much at making Makunay quake, but to warn Laldhoj away from any fancy ideas. BRB, however, is not in any particular hurry and is patiently sitting it out. In fact, Comrade Red Banner is against being in any kind of govt before May 28 so that the blame for not drafting the constitution will go to the incumbents.
***
So, it's official. Mao Media Corp is being launched soon with tv, radio and newspapers. There is considerable opposition to this from within the party, with some comrades arguing that political power doesn't flow out of a Sony HVR HD-1000. The real reason PKD is interested in being a media moghul himself is that every wannabe warlord is buying up radios or newspapers, and the chairman is worried the party line is being diluted. Media consultants invited to a briefing told the comrades they could earn more propaganda points if they stopped threatening people with 'bowtick carbuy'.
***
The other week, the Ass broke the story about the new department store being built inside Singha Darbar. It looks like the store will also have a Child Care Centre. Wouldn't a Geriatric Centre be more appropriate?
ass(at)nepalitimes.com
