Nepali Times
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Constituent Ass-embly

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With the monsoon setting in, the load-shedding schedule has gone haywire. Lights that were supposed to go off at 7:00 PM are now going of at 7:15 PM. Is NEA already on Indian Standard Time, or what?

After the Brits and Ozzies, it is the Swiss who have now moved visa procedures for Nepalis to Delhi. The Swiss embassy website: 'Visa applications for residents of North India, Bhutan and Nepal who wish to travel to Switzerland should be submitted to the Visa Application Centre at New Delhi.' When he becomes PM, Awesome should just ask all embassies which don't have visa sections to pack up and go. That way maybe we can really be Switzerland in 20 years.

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As the Maoists go around dangling the presidential carrot in front of everyone they meet, the list of 'Almost Presidents' is growing by the day. Makunay took the bait, and his suit is already pressed for the swearing in, so what if the UML is now going to be a vassal party of the CPN-M? Makes one wonder what Comrade JN is getting out of all this, and if he has any fears of being swallowed up by the Stalinists. Maybe that is why he has set up his own Youth Force and even got some YCLs to defect to the UML Testosterone Brigade. Methinks he vastly underestimates the Jugends.

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Can the Comrades take their armed bodyguards into foreign embassies or not? This better be cleared up before there is another major diplomatic incident like the one at Lainchour the other night when Comrade Laldhoj tried to smuggle in a sidekick bearing a firearm to an embassy dinner with Comrade Shahid. A Fourth Anglo-Nepal War was averted, but only just. Kudos to Andrewji for sticking to his guns, as it were.

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Is it just this asinine columnist, or do you out there also tune off at news time these days? Who wants to hear a talking head bad mouthing another talking head on tv news while a strategically-located Mr Dhamala lurks at the edge of the frame? The Constituent Ass-embly should declare a moratorium on all pronouncements on camera. Half our political problems could be resolved if the tv channels jointly decided not to give any air time to politicians' soundbites. Whatever the baddies do in private, if they are never seen on the evening news calling the kangresis running dogs, the kangresis will never be provoked into retaliating in kind and 90 percent of our problems would be resolved.

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News about Toiletgate may be dropping off the media radar, but the Matrika Yadav Shrink Fund has, as of press time, brought in Rs750. That may only pay for one couch session, but every minute of counseling counts for Matrikababu. One hears the politburo is also getting fed up with their bête noire.

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The circus that ensued after Gyanji left his press conference at Narayanhiti earlier this month earned the media well-deserved brickbats. Some hacks climbed on sofas with their shoes on to interview fellow hacks, they queued up to take pictures sitting on kingji's chair while it still radiated royal warmth. Some journos got so excited they tried to cart away the stuffed tiger as souvenir. The Press Council is now thinking of making an appeal to the journalism fraternity to return a missing ass-tray and three whiskers which were plucked from the tiger's cheeks. Give 'em back, they are now museum pieces.

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And now the moment that all of you have been waiting for, the winners of this week's New Name Contest. The runner up is Subhas from Sorakhutte for his new name for Kanti Path: Kranti Path. And this week's winner is (a round of applause ladies and gentlemen) Sanju from Narayan Gopal Chok for his entry: change the name of Durbar Marg to Museum Marg.

New Name Contest: ass(at)nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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