Nepali Times
KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
Capital flight

KUNDA DIXIT


Are we losing the fire in our bellies? Are we slacking off and allowing lethargy and ennui to obliterate the fervour of the April Uprising? The answer to both questions is: "Umm, that's a thought."

How else does one explain the sharp drop in the number of car stonings, traffic stoppages, chukka jams and todfods in the city centre this week? We are keeping close count here at the semi-autonomous National Demonstration Centre (call hotline for latest information on which roads are blocked by dialing 103) and have found that there was an entire rush hour period on Tuesday evening when no one blocked traffic at Singha Darbar intersection by lying down on the asphalt.

Not a single royal statue was vandalised throughout the kingdom the whole of last week. The Mahindra and Mahindra Highway was actually not blocked for six hours on Sunday after a minor traffic altercation in Lahan. No one stoned any newspaper office on Thursday. This is a scandal.

What's wrong with us, are we going to let go of the gains of our pro-democracy movement so easily? Will we allow the euphoria of freedom to evaporate into thin air? Have human beings outlived their usefulness? What is the best cure for my dandruff? Will someone stop me before I ask another rhetorical question? Thank you.

As we all know, there are entire sections of society that are still not using their hard-won freedoms to rise up and struggle for their rights by bringing the nation's capital to a grinding halt through relay hunger strikes to fast unto death over and over again.

How come no one set fire to a single government vehicle and made a complete arson of himself when Sunday was made a working day? And there you all are, sitting idly by and not gheraoing the prime minister's residence to force the government to shift Nepal's capital out of Kathmandu.

We have changed the rules of royal succession to allow daughters to become queens in the new Republic of Nepal, parliament has declared Nepal a secular Hindu Kingdom and the government has refused to collect royalty from mountaineering expeditions because it doesn't like the 'R' word. Yet we refuse to take the bull by the horns and shift the nation's capital out of Kathmandu and rid ourselves of its monarchical past.

The question arises, where should the capital of a New Nepal be located? That is a very good point, and luckily for you I have been doing my homework and have a shortlisted the following:

. Kathmandu is running out of water, the government wants to bring water from Melamchi but the people of Melamchi don't want to give it to us. Solution: if Melamchi doesn't want to come to Kathmandu take Kathmandu to Melamchi.
. Okharpauwa residents have refused refuse from Kathmandu. Solution: Relocate Nepal's capital to Okharpauwa and no one will notice because both are garbage dumps.
. Jomsom. Nepal's capital must be located in a place that has the best apple brandy in the country. Ministers can ride mules to work.
. Shift the capital to Kalapani and you kill two birds with one stone: you regain Nepali territory, and you are the farthest you can possibly be from the rest of Nepal so no one will ever bother you.
. Relocate Nepal's capital to New Delhi. Everything's being decided there anyway.



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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